


A Thousand Ways to Fall Down

by swallowsmateforlife



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bad Communication, Degradation, Explicit Sexual Content, Famous/Not famous, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Prostitution, complicated feelings poorly discussed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:58:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 31,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5977684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swallowsmateforlife/pseuds/swallowsmateforlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Louis had thought about boyfriends, no doubt. He’d rather like to have one, truthfully, but his schedule doesn’t really allow for the commitment and closeness required to establish anything, particularly because of his tendency for getting wrapped up in his boyfriends and devoting himself to love and romance and relationships. And dating around is not feasible for him due to not being out.</i> </p><p>  <i>Three hundred and thirty pounds for an hour is doable, though.</i> </p><p>What he gets is a charming, beautiful man who is far more kind than Louis feels he deserves which means a lot of terrible feelings, heartaches, and the beginnings of something taking root in Louis’ chest where he can’t imagine a life without Nick Grimshaw, even if Louis has to pay him for it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Thousand Ways to Fall Down

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been a labour of pain and love and it's the longest, most exhausting thing I've ever written. My heart and soul and tears and love are in this fic. 
> 
> The most giant of thank yous to [Tori](http://gentleantics.tumblr.com) for, literally, the existence of this fic. Without her I never would have found this inspiration. Thank you, Tori, for being my biggest support and for not minding when I lamented over how I was going to get through this. Thank you for being my beta and thank you for everything you do for me.
> 
> Thank you to [Sarah](http://spankmeniall.tumblr.com) for creating the art, a beautiful and perfect fanmix for this fic. [Listen here](http://8tracks.com/muscadinia/a-thousand-ways-to-fall-down).
> 
> Please mind the tags for the warnings of the content of this fic.
> 
> Title from "[No Devotion](http://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/No_Devotion:Permanent_Sunlight)" by [Permanent Sunlight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY16_aJCP48). This song captures everything this fic is to me.

Of all the things Louis thought he might be doing this evening perusing the websites of high-end escort services  _ again _ was not one of them.

He wasn’t ashamed, not really. He had the money. He had the security team to make it work. And he had the desire, if he was honest. Being one of the most internationally famous people in the world and being unable to be free with who he was made things a little difficult and Louis couldn’t deny that he yearned for the touch of a man – for someone to make him feel good in the type of way he enjoyed best.

Louis had thought about boyfriends, no doubt. He’d rather like to have one, truthfully, but his schedule doesn’t really allow for the commitment and closeness required to establish anything, particularly because of his tendency for getting wrapped up in his boyfriends and devoting himself to love and romance and relationships. And dating around is not feasible for him due to not being out.

Three hundred and thirty pounds for an hour is doable, though.

He’s been returning to one page in particular for a few days now, reading over the mini biography, viewing the photos, taking in how tasteful it all seems. Louis had thought, in the past, that hiring prostitutes (pardon him, ‘ _ escorts _ ’) was skeevy business, that it was done quick and dirty, something to be ashamed of and to take to the grave.

This man, ‘Nick’, though… he seems nice. Charming, educated, witty. Louis isn’t sure what cultural anthropology is nor has he ever read anything by Dostoyevsky but according to this Nick likes them both and Louis supposes that must mean he’s smart. Louis likes smart. Nick’s page also says that he enjoys art showings and film screenings and either would be a lovely first date to get to know one another, but Louis knows he can’t do that with Nick. Maybe he’ll buy him a gift, instead. Nick’s page says gifts are never expected but Louis can’t shake feeling a little bad about paying someone for sexual contact no matter how worldly and cultured and smart this man seems. Louis wonders if Nick likes Burberry or Vuitton. He can afford that, too.

Scrolling along, Louis re-reads words he’s read a few times over now, always returning to this particular profile. It’s tasteful, simple, professional, and doesn’t read like a flashing neon “PROSTITUTE!” sign at all. His page says he’ll cook dinner, even, if going out isn’t in the reader’s taste – they can share wine while Nick cooks, talk and get to know one another before “exploring more intimate desires”. Louis expected back-page ads of dubious origin, expected whoever showed up to look nothing like the photos, but the reviews for this site are positive and it’s well maintained. Nick seems like he should be hosting dinner parties for his fabulous friends, not making out-calls to hotel rooms for three hundred pounds an hour. Nick’s information says he’s available for in-calls at his own discreet location, or out-calls at approved hotels in London, Paris and Ibiza, and that all other travel can be arranged if so desired.  Louis wonders if Nick does much traveling for dates; wonders where he’s been and what he’s seen. Perhaps he shouldn’t.

Louis nibbles his lip as he scrolls down to the heading titled “expectations and donations”. He supposes it’s code for payment, but knows that advertising sex for cash isn’t exactly legal. It’s all so discreet, which Louis likes. Nick’s “expectation of donation” says three hundred and thirty pounds for an hour. Thirty-six hundred pounds for a “whole delicious day”. Louis wonders if there’s something in the middle. An hour seems quick and dirty and Louis doesn’t think he could work through his nerves enough to get down to business in only an hour, but Louis supposes an entire day would be overwhelming. Perhaps he’ll ask.

If he ever bucks up the courage to email the provided contact address of Nick’s assistant, that is.

Sighing, Louis scrolls back up to the top of the page to look through Nick’s photos once more. He’s very handsome, but not in a very rugged or macho kind of way. Refined, handsome, charming. None of his photos are what he’d expect either. He’s clothed in all of them, dressed smart and fashionable and tasteful. Louis’ been to enough photoshoots of his own that he can tell most of Nick’s photos are professionally done but there’s a selfie or two tossed in, which Louis likes. It makes everything more personable, Louis supposes. Nick has pretty, deep-set eyes and prettier eyelashes and a smattering of freckles across his nose and cheekbones. Louis wants to know what Nick’s big hands feel like on his small waist. He’s in trouble already, he knows it.

Louis wants more than paid-for sex in hotel rooms on tour, and he wants more than casual dates holed up in his flat when he’s in London with boys he can never be seen in public with – with boys whose time would be wasted on Louis anyway. He wants more than all of that and he hasn’t had a proper boyfriend since he was eighteen and he  _ misses  _ it but it is what it is, he supposes. It is what it is.

Frowning, Louis indulges the bit of courage and maybe contempt he has in his situation as he clicks on the contact email address and opens a message to Nick’s assistant.

He doesn’t know what to say.

‘ _ Hi, I’m a closeted celebrity who wants to suck some dick and maybe get fucked, can you help? _ ’ Maybe not. Nick’s final words on his page state that any “lewd language” will promptly terminate all exchange of communication because he is, after all, a gentleman.

Perhaps Louis could go with ‘ _ Hey there, I’m a famous boy-bander with way more money than I know what to do with so perhaps you could come over and I’ll pay you to probably just sit there awkwardly while I have a mild panic attack about the fact that I’ve hired you for sex but am too busy freaking out to actually do the sex part, what do you say? _ ’

Maybe Louis needs an assistant of his own. Maybe he’ll hire someone to hire him a prostitute.

Maybe he should close his computer and go hide under the covers of his hotel bed for a while until he sorts himself out. It’s just sex, Louis tells himself. He’s had plenty of sex in his life – not a ton as of late because discreet and trustworthy men who also like men aren’t the easiest to find for casual hook-ups when you’re on tour. Louis knows he shouldn’t be so perturbed by it all. He’s gay and closeted and he has as much need and desire for human affection and contact as the next person. There’s nothing wrong with reaching out in a way that’s going to keep his personal life safe.

Frowning, Louis types out a short message, reading it over a few times before deciding it’s satisfactory and to the point. He’s looking for someone discreet, kind, and nice to spend a few hours with in the privacy of his hotel suite and Nick seems like the type of man Louis would be interested in getting to know.

Louis doesn’t know any of the hiring-a-prostitute jargon, or what to say to not sound explicit yet make it known what he’s after. Maybe Nick’s assistant will see right through Louis’ message and false bravado and know this is Louis’ first time hiring. Louis supposes it doesn’t matter as long as the appointment is made. 

Letting out a slow breath, Louis clicks ‘send’ and sits back to await the ‘prompt response’ advertised.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

His phone pings with a new email notification an hour later when Louis’ just stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. His hair is wet and shaggy around his face and he pushes it back with his hand as he reaches for his phone sat on top of the bathroom counter. 

The assistant – Daisy, he learns – has replied to Louis’ inquiry with a list of dates and times Nick is available for an out-call appointment for Louis to choose from. He sits himself down atop the closed toilet as he frowns to himself, looking over the dates. He’s in London working for another three days before heading north to Doncaster to spend time with his family before work gets crazy again.

Nick is available as early as tomorrow morning. Louis doesn’t think he’s ready for that.

Nibbling his lip gently, Louis requests an appointment at his current hotel for two evenings from now. He gives Daisy his room number and instructions for Nick to join him at seven o’clock in the evening for something casual to get to know each other. He hopes it’s discreet but conveys his intentions. God, he’s nervous already.

Louis fires off his reply before he heads out to the bedroom to re-dress for a night out with Liam. Promo has picked up a lot lately since Zayn departed. He’s been going out most nights, being photographed and whatnot in between all the work he’s been doing all day long. He’s tired and the idea of hanging around another night club for a few hours is not appealing in the slightest tonight. He’s had fun in the last few weeks, and it’s nice to have the drinks comped for him and his friends, it’s nice to have excellent service, and lots of people wanting to have a good time but he knows it’s only because he’s Louis Tomlinson and by virtue of him being there these clubs will turn good profit.

Tonight… tonight he’s really not feeling it. He’d much rather crawl into bed and watch an old footy match on the telly but he doesn’t want to let the fans down. He, Liam, Niall, and Harry have all been working so hard writing and trying to make their upcoming album the best it can possibly be. He knows it’s reassuring to fans to see them working and going out and about together. And he knows he’ll likely wind up having a good time but Louis supposes it’s easier to want to do things when you have more of a choice about it.

Allowing himself a small moment to whine, Louis drops his towel and starts poking around in his suitcase for what he’s going to wear tonight.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Louis is utterly bricking it when Sunday evening rolls around and Nick is expected to arrive in a few short minutes. Louis was assured by Daisy that Nick values his clients’ time and is prompt always, and it’s quarter to seven now. 

Louis has left the cash in an open envelope on the suite’s entry table as per the request on Daisy’s latest email to him. Six hundred and sixty pounds for two hours. Louis’ not even sure if he’ll be able to go through with a full two hours but he supposes it doesn’t matter, much. He’s bought t-shirts that cost more than this. 

He nibbles his lip, pacing a little along the sitting room floor and wondering if it’s too late to back out. He has no way of directly contacting Nick, only Daisy, so he can’t exactly text him not to come. Perhaps he’ll just shove the envelope under the door when Nick knocks and tell him to take it and go, because Louis is far too nervous and cowardly to face the reality of hiring a prostitute and the fear of what it means about him.

He’s too busy talking himself into a tizzy to hear the first gentle knock on the door; he’s still pacing and waving his hands around a little as he tells himself it’s perfectly okay and Nick is being compensated and is discreet and tasteful and won’t out him to the rags.

The second knock comes a little louder, a little harsher, and Louis startles, whipping around to stare wide-eyed at the closed hotel suite door for a moment before he feels his heart leap into his throat. 

“Oh god,” Louis whispers to himself before smoothing his sweaty palms down over his t-shirt and stepping up to the door to let Nick in. He remembers something about Nick’s web page saying to ignore the money as it kills the mood or something, so he hopes the unsealed white envelope screams ‘money in here!’ loud enough. He wonders if Nick will count it in front of him or how this whole thing goes. “Shit,” Louis says, letting out a slow breath before pulling the door open.

Nick is more handsome than his photos. Louis thought Nick’s photos were beautiful and his near-instant attraction to Nick was what kept Louis coming back multiple times to read over his page again and again. In person, though, he’s stunning. He’s tall – easily six feet or more – with magnificent, bright green eyes and those long eyelashes Louis thought were so, so pretty in his photos. He’s tall and lithe, in tight black skinny jeans and the most obnoxious purple paisley silk shirt Louis has ever seen. He thinks even Harry would be offended. Maybe. 

“Hiya,” Nick says, and it’s warm and friendly and inviting even though Nick’s the one in the hallway. If Nick recognizes Louis he doesn’t let it show and for that Louis is grateful. 

“Hi,” Louis says in what is more a whisper than an actual greeting. Mentally slapping himself, Louis steps back to invite Nick into the room. Nick lets the door click shut behind him and he offers a smile before extending his hand.

“Louis, yeah? Nice to meet you,” he says, grinning all crooked and toothy when Louis shakes his hand. Louis can’t help but note just how tiny his hand looks and feels in Nick’s own. “I’m Nick,” Nick tells him before taking his hand back.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Louis says, biting his lower lip. He’d imagined this going a lot smoother – at least in his fantasies where he’s a smooth and confident young man who can charm anyone immediately. In actuality he’s a little insecure in most everything he does and unsure of how to approach things sometimes and he’s rather inexperienced in the areas of men overall. This was probably a bad idea.

“I’ll just pop to the loo for a moment, and be right with you, alright?” Nick says, charming smile in place as Louis nods, not entirely sure of the protocol here but he’s happy to follow Nick’s lead. He doesn’t miss it as Nick smoothly steps around, casually swiping the envelope off of the hall table before disappearing into the bathroom without missing a beat. 

So that’s how that goes.

Louis decides to make himself busy in the sitting room by getting out the wine glasses he’d had room service deliver along with a bottle of cabernet sauvignon to set on the table. He turns when he hears the bathroom door open again and Nick emerges, envelope nowhere to be seen. Louis supposes he counted the money while he was in there to be sure it was what was agreed upon. 

“Would you like wine?” Louis asks, trying to calm down. This is just getting to know each other, isn’t it? He’s paid for it but he doesn’t have to do anything with Nick if he really doesn’t want to.

“Sure, love,” Nick says, charming as he steps into the room and takes a seat on the couch, crossing his looong legs. Louis smiles, pouring them each their glasses before bringing Nick’s to him and sitting down in the comfy chair kiddy-corner to where Nick is sat. He doesn’t want this to be awkward but he supposes it’s probably going to be no matter what. They’re strangers and Nick is being paid for his time which may or may not include sexual activities.

“Thanks for, um,” Louis starts, taking a sip of his wine in hopes that it will help relax him. “You know. Being discreet and. Because I can’t really…” he trails, glancing back up at Nick.

“Not to worry, love,” Nick says, giving a reassuring smile and gently resting his hand on Louis’ knee. “We’ll have a nice time tonight, we can do whatever you’d like,” Nick tells him, squeezing his knee gently in a way that makes Louis squirm, ticklish where his knee turns into thigh. Nick laughs lightly, pulling his hand back as Louis laughs, too, feeling a little more relaxed.

“Ticklish, sorry,” Louis says, sipping his wine again before shifting to get a little more comfortable. “I know I’m probably not supposed to ask, but what do you… usually do? With people?” Louis asks, hoping he’s not being offensive but he’s never done this before and isn’t familiar with how it’s supposed to go.

“We can talk about it,” Nick says, taking a drink of his wine and smiling over at Louis as he brings his free hand up to run through his quiff. “Figure out what you’d like, what you don’t want, and go from there, yeah?” He offers. Louis detects a hint of something in his accent. He’s London  _ now  _ but he wasn’t always. It reminds Louis a little bit of home and it’s comforting.

“Mostly, I think I just want…” Louis pauses, feeling a little embarrassed. “It’s like, right. I’m not out, yeah? I’m gay, but I’m not out. The lads know, my team knows, my family knows… but publically I’m not out so it’s not like I can just go find myself a boyfriend or take a fit bloke home from a club. Especially when I don’t know if I can trust anyone, either,” he says, frowning. “So. I’m not really looking for a dirty shag and then for you to rush out. But I do, y’know. Want to be with men, I just. That’s why I did this,” Louis explains, and he’s certain Nick’s heard it all and his own story is not that exciting nor even the craziest thing Nick’s heard.

“Of course,” Nick nods, receptive to what Louis’ said. “I understand. It’s easier this way and I’m happy to take care of you,” Nick tells him, finishing off his wine and leaning forward to set the empty glass onto the glass table in front of him. “I’m up for pretty much anything. Condoms, as a rule. It’s really up to you, from there,” Nick says, sweet and charming and Louis feels more at ease as the moments go by.

“Will you… kiss me?” Louis asks, skeptical because most of his research has told him kissing is too intimate and many prostitutes don’t prefer to. Louis likes kissing very much a lot, though he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. 

“You have a very pretty mouth, love, I’d be mad not to want to kiss you,” Nick says, shooting Louis a cheeky grin and Louis is fairly certain he’s blushing, has to duck his head and let his hair fall into his eyes to hide for a moment. “Are you shy?” Nick asks, and it’s not condescending or infantilizing – it sounds fond, and Louis likes it.

“A little,” Louis admits, glancing back up and laughing a little to try to relax. “Just. It’s been some time since I’ve really been with anyone. Nothing much more than some handies or something when I know I can get away with it,” Louis explains, and he feels that Nick understands.

“Nothing to be shy about,” Nick says, grinning. “We’re all human. We have needs. Tell me what you like, hm?” Nick asks, raising his eyebrows a little.

Louis feels almost entirely more relaxed and comfortable than he did when Nick first arrived. Louis thought, at first, that he wouldn’t be able to do this and actually go through with it but Nick makes him feel comfortable and like this is all okay – like there’s nothing to be ashamed of and, more importantly, that Nick doesn’t consider this tedious work. Maybe he does, deep down. Maybe he hates what he does but the money’s good. Louis wouldn’t know, though, with how charming and nice Nick is being to him. He seems interested and glad to be here. It makes Louis feel a lot better.

“Well, kissing, for starters,” Louis says, nibbling at his lower lip gently. He wonders if the things he likes – the things he wants – are weird or if Nick will think he’s strange. “I… I’d really like to suck you off, if I’m honest,” Louis tells him, bold for a moment and smirking back at Nick. 

“Another great use for that pretty mouth,” Nick says, grinning at him and nodding to encourage him on.

“Stop,” Louis laughs, shaking his head a little. “I’m not sure what else, right now. Maybe nothing. Maybe just that?” He asks, raising his eyebrows in question.

“Whatever you’d like, love,” Nick says, shifting to uncross his legs and extends his hand out to Louis. “Why don’t you come, hm? Sit with me,” Nick offers and Louis feels his heart jump a beat or two. He does want this, he decides. Nick is charming and so very handsome and he’s so tall and his hands are so big and Louis’ mouth waters a little bit imagining what his dick might be like. Big, he supposes. He hopes.

Louis slips his hand into Nick’s, pulls himself up from his seat and lets Nick guide him over and into his lap so Louis is straddling him. He’s so beautiful up close. Louis can see all of the freckles he noticed in Nick’s photos and he wants to trace his fingers over them; wants to connect the dots into constellations and galaxies and star maps. 

“How’s this?” Nick asks, one hand resting at the small of Louis’ back, the other curled against Louis’ hip and holding him there in Nick’s lap.

“Good, yeah,” Louis says, smiling a bit. He’s had one night stands before and this shouldn’t be any different. He’s paying for it, sure, but Nick is a really fit bloke and Louis really wants to suck his dick. It’s not so different from the friend of Lou’s that Louis hooked up with after a show in Australia at the beginning of the year. “Can I kiss you?” Louis asks, wanting to be sure.

“Please,” Nick nods, smiling up at Louis and lifting his chin in invitation. Louis smiles, bringing one of his own hands up to cup the side of Nick’s neck before he drops down to bring their lips together. Louis loves kissing people he’s attracted to, loves how hot and bothered it gets him, loves the feeling of tongue against tongue, loves how hard it makes his dick.

Nick hums sweetly into the kiss, tilting his head a little bit to let Louis take it deeper. Louis can feel how into it Nick is and it eases so much of his nerves out of him, lets him let go and really kiss Nick deep and needy like he loves best. His thumb brushes along the edge of Nick’s sharp jawline, feeling the slight stubble beneath his fingertips and loving it. Nick isn’t incredibly masculine in a way that makes Louis feel uncomfortable. Nick is, no doubt, a man, though, and Louis likes it. He likes the scent of Nick’s cologne filling his nostrils as they kiss, likes the way Nick’s big hands feel on his body, likes the way he can feel Nick’s strength in the way he guides Louis’ body a little closer to press their hips together.

Louis groans a little as he rolls his hips just a bit, a little surprised by how interested his dick is already. He supposes it’s a mixture of arousal and nerves that has him so on edge, he really can’t help the fact that he’s getting harder and harder in his jeans. Judging by the fact that he can feel Nick’s dick in his jeans as well, Louis thinks this is going pretty well.

Nick breaks the kiss after another moment but lets his lips trail over Louis’ jaw, hand coming up to gently tip Louis’ head to the side to give Nick access to Louis’ neck. His lips kiss their way down along Louis’ pulse point, pressing open-mouthed kisses there. It feels heavenly and Louis loves the sensation of neck kisses, god. He could probably let this go on for their remaining hour and a half and just come in his jeans, if he’s honest.

“D-Don’t mark me,” he cautions, though finds himself a little sad about it because he might like the reminder each time he looks in the mirror. “God, that’s nice,” Louis all but purrs, rolling his hips forward against Nick’s as Nick kisses back up his throat and to his lips once more.

Louis kisses Nick again, shifting closer and letting his hands drift down over Nick’s shoulders and along his chest to the buttons of his shirt where his small fingers begin pulling the buttons through the holes. He wants to get on his knees for this man already but he supposes he should probably at least undress him and not hop right to the floor. 

Louis breaks the kiss to pull back, sitting in Nick’s lap and feeling a little flushed as he slowly pulls the purple silk of Nick’s shirt open, tugs the fabric out from where it’s tucked into Nick’s tight jeans.

“God,” Louis groans a bit, running his hands smoothly up the flat of Nick’s stomach and along his chest, skittering his fingers through Nick’s chest hair. Louis is nothing if not a sucker for chest hair and Nick’s body thus far is utterly perfect, entirely to Louis’ taste. He’s lithe and tall and lovely, not really toned or muscular but Louis was never much for those types anyway. Nick is gorgeous and perfect and Louis wants,  _ wants  _ to get his mouth on him. “You’re so fit,” Louis says, dragging his fingertips down and to the button of Nick’s jeans.

“You’re very pretty,” Nick tells him and Louis feels like Nick just  _ knows  _ what Louis likes, already; just knows Louis likes praise and compliments and is absolutely delivering. “Do you want to get undressed, love? Take your shirt off at least?” He asks, but it’s more a suggestion than a request. Louis smiles, nodding as he sits up a little more to tug his black t-shirt up and over his head, tossing it somewhere behind him. Nick laughs and Louis feels lit up inside.

“Such a beautiful body,” Nick says as he lifts his hand to run his fingertips along the tattoo across Louis’ collarbones. “You know that, though, don’t you?” He teases and Louis laughs, ducking his head. It might be true, maybe. It’s nice to hear Nick tell him, though.

Louis leans in for another kiss, taking it deep for only a moment before he pulls back and shifts up on his knees in order to move and settle himself down on the floor between Nick’s legs. It’s been so long since Louis had this. He wants it so badly.

“Can I suck you off?” Louis asks, looking up at Nick through his fringe, tossing it from his eyes and smiling. “I really want to,” he says, sliding a hand up over the inner seam of Nick’s jeans until he cups his hand over the bulge in Nick’s jeans, unable to help the whimper he lets out when he feels how big Nick is.

“’Course, love,” Nick says, shifting his hips gently into Louis’ touch. “I’d love that,” Nick tells him, watching Louis as Louis gently rubs his hand over Nick’s erection, feeling him in his palm and squeezing gently. Nick sighs above him and Louis is goaded on by the desire to hear what Nick sounds like when he comes.

Louis brings both hands up, opening the button of Nick’s tight jeans and slowly tugging the zip down. Nick lifts his hips to let Louis tug his jeans down, kicking them off until he’s left in his open purple silk shirt and his tight black pants, cock straining against the fabric. Louis presses his hands to the insides of Nick’s thighs, nudging them open wider and leaning in to nuzzle his face in against Nick’s erection. He smells perfect – delicious and clean and musky and something that’s distinctly  _ male.  _ Louis loves it. He parts his lips a little, breathing warm over the clothed head of Nick’s cock and then closing his lips around it gently just to taste the precome that’s wetted the front of Nick’s pants. It’s been so long since Louis got to do this and he’s almost shocked with how desperately he wants it. 

“Fuck,” Louis groans a little, looking up at Nick for reassurance and smiling when Nick gives him a gentle nod. Louis curls his fingers into the elastic of Nick’s pants, careful as he tugs them down over Nick’s cock to watch it spring free, smacking up against his stomach and it’s  _ gorgeous.  _ Louis’ only seen a handful of cocks in his life, some relatively average but not Nick’s. Nick’s cock is lovely and big, thick and long in all the right ways, the head smooth and shiny where his foreskin is pulled back just a bit. 

“Go on,” Nick urges him on, fond and gentle as Louis curls his small hand around Nick, watches the way he can’t even close his hand all the way around Nick’s girth. Louis moans as he brings Nick’s cock to his mouth, parting his lips to lap his tongue over the head, soaking up the way Nick groans, too.

Louis closes his eyes, savours the moment as he takes Nick into his mouth and presses himself down, loving the stretch of his jaw in order to take Nick’s cock in. He moans softly around him, bobbing his head a few times to adjust and test his limits. Nick’s might be the biggest cock he’s ever had in his mouth, and Louis shudders at the thought of it in his arse, is surprised at how quickly his thoughts went there. He tucks that away for later, however, and focuses on his current task of delivering a great blowjob. Maybe Nick will come on his face.

Pushing down a little further, Louis brings his hand up to curl around what he can’t fit in his mouth and begins to bob his head and hand in tandem, twisting his wrist on the upstroke. He hasn’t forgotten but he’s surely missed just how much he likes doing this, how much it turns him on to suck cock on his knees like this. He moans at the feeling of Nick thick and heavy in his mouth and opens his blue eyes to look up and watch Nick.

Nick is slouched a little, relaxed and focused on watching Louis’ mouth on his cock. Louis loves it – loves being the center of attention and loves knowing that Nick is watching him. Louis pulls up and off with a smack of his lips, traces the tip of his tongue in circles along the head of Nick’s cock just to hear him hiss before Louis goes down again, taking Nick deep into his throat. He’s so lucky he’s not recording tomorrow. His voice is going to be wrecked but Louis can’t find it in himself to care when Nick’s cock is so big and perfect in his mouth like this.

“Getting close,” Nick warns, a soft sigh following as he brings his hand up to card through Louis’ hair and push his fringe back from his face. It’s sexy as hell and Louis moans around him, blinking up at Nick as he doubles his efforts and moves faster, hand squeezing just a little. “God, Louis, you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth,” Nick praises and Louis is almost done for. He might come in his jeans after all.

Louis whimpers around Nick’s cock, moaning softly as he pulls up to suck at the head while his hand strokes up and down Nick’s cock to bring him off. Louis would rather love Nick to come in his mouth, he thinks, but he’s pretty sure that’s not allowed.

“Gonna come,” Nick says, and Louis pulls off, stroking Nick still and tilting his head a little so that when Nick’s orgasm hits he shoots thick streaks across Louis’ cheek and jaw, some dribbling down to land on Louis’ chest as Nick moans, shuddering beneath Louis’ hands.

Louis moans too, looking back up at Nick and hoping he looks pretty with a load of come on his face. He hopes Nick tells him, hopes Nick thinks it, hopes… hopes he’s not in trouble with how into this he is already.

“Pretty,” Nick says, groaning a little and reaching out to swipe his fingertip through some of the come on Louis’ cheek. “Aren’t you so pretty, hm? So good, taking it on your face like that,” Nick praises and Louis is weak for it. 

“Thanks,” he says, looking up at Nick and smiling. Maybe it should be gross. He’s sat on his knees with come on his face but he’s the happiest he’s felt in quite a while. “You have such a nice cock,” Louis says, unable to help the way he leans in to press a kiss to the tip, smirking at the way Nick shudders at how sensitive he is now.

“Do you want to come?” Nick asks him, smiling a bit. “What can I do for you, hm?” He asks and Louis grins a little, reaching to the tissue box on the glass table to clean his face off. He doesn’t need to be blotchy tomorrow.

“Maybe… maybe jerk me off?” Louis asks, dropping the tissue on the table and shifting to stand. His knees protest a little, achy from sitting on the floor for so long, but he manages to stand in front of Nick anyway.

“Anything, love,” Nick says, reaching up to unbutton Louis’ tight jeans. He wastes no time in opening Louis’ jeans and tugging them and Louis’ pants down until Louis’ able to kick them away and settle himself back in Nick’s lap again, straddling him once more and draping his arms over Nick’s shoulders. “Kiss me, yeah?” Nick asks, leaning into Louis.

Louis does, kisses Nick deeply and moans into it when he feels Nick’s big hand curl around his erection, squeezing painfully slowly on the upstroke before finding a rhythm Louis likes. He rocks into it as he kisses Nick, having to pull away after a moment to drop his forehead to Nick’s  shoulder in order to watch the way Nick’s hand twists up and down his cock, thumb catching the head every few strokes to press against his slit. Louis moans, panting a little as he watches, loving the way Nick’s other hand is anchored around his waist and keeping them close together. 

“Close,” Louis says, moaning a bit and rocking his hips forward into Nick’s touch, knowing he’s not going to last. He nearly came in his jeans when he was on his knees, as it is. 

“Come on, love,” Nick all but purrs against Louis’ ear as he jerks him off. “Come for me, hm? Bet you make the prettiest noises when you come, don’t you? Let me hear you, yeah?” Nick says and Louis is done. He gasps, arching his back sharply and tipping his head back as he comes, crying out into the room as he shoots against Nick’s chest and over Nick’s hand. 

“Oh god,” Louis pants, whimpering a little as he rocks his hips to ride it out, shuddering at the way Nick strokes him through it and then pulls Louis into a soft kiss. 

“I knew you’d be pretty for me,” Nick says against his lips, smirking at the way Louis shudders. 

“Fuck,” Louis sighs, shifting a bit to rest back against Nick’s thighs and get his breath back. “That was amazing,” he says, smiling a little as he looks at Nick. He’s sure he looks fucked out and glassy-eyed but Nick told him he’s  _ pretty  _ and it’s all Louis can focus on for now.

“Very,” Nick says, letting his fingertips skitter up and down Louis’ splayed open thighs, letting Louis ride it out and come back into himself after his orgasm.  “I have to go in about twenty minutes, love.  Do you want to get cleaned up? More wine?” He asks and Louis feels almost sad about it but Nick isn’t saying it in a way that makes him sound eager to go. He’s gentle about it and Louis appreciates it.

“No, I,” he starts, smiling a bit as he moves to climb off of Nick and pick his pants up off the floor to step into. “Sorry, you can clean up in the loo if you like. I’ll shower in a minute,” Louis says, tugging his briefs up and smiling as he looks back at Nick whose chest is still streaked with Louis’ come.

“Give us a kiss, then,” Nick says, bright and open as he reaches out to Louis’ hand to tug him in again. Louis smiles, leans down and presses their lips together once more before pulling back. 

“Go, I’m sure you don’t want to go out covered in my spunk,” he laughs, watching as Nick smiles and pushes himself up, grabbing his pants and jeans from the floor before excusing himself to the bathroom to clean up. Louis stretches a little, suddenly a bit awkward at being left alone in the living room while he hears the water running in the bathroom for Nick to clean up with.

He just paid a stranger for sex and Louis feels like he should feel a bit strange about it but he kind of doesn’t. He had a really nice time, he’d gotten what he’d wanted, and whether Nick is a really good actor or actually genuine, he seemed to enjoy himself too. Yawning a bit, Louis collects the wine glasses to set them in the suite’s kitchen sink.

The sound of the bathroom door opening catches his attention and Nick emerges, redressed and looking sated and beautiful. Louis wonders if kissing him goodbye would be weird considering they’ve finished the sex part.

“Can I do anything else for you, love?” Nick asks, popping his hip against the doorway and smiling. “Got about ten minutes before I have to go,” he says, shrugging a bit.

“No, no. Thank you,” Louis smiles, coming over to him to say goodbye. “I… this was good. Nice. I had a nice time,” Louis says.

“Me, too,” Nick tells him, reaching out gently to touch his fingertips to Louis’ hip. “Thanks for a nice evening,” he says and Louis smiles.

“Same to you. I um. I’m back in London… in a week or so. So I might,” he starts, feeling a little embarrassed now. Does he sound too eager, already? “Maybe I’ll see you again,” he finishes, hoping he’s masked some of his eagerness, though he’s certain Nick’s picked up on Louis’ intent to definitely make this happen again.

“Looking forward to it,” Nick says and he leans down to press a kiss to Louis’ cheekbone before pulling away to head for the door out to the hallway. “I’ll see you, Louis,” he says before pulling the door open and disappearing out into the hall.

Later when Louis is showered and lying naked in his bed he jerks himself off to another orgasm thinking about Nick’s pretty green eyes and long fingers, and doesn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt before he falls straight to sleep.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The drive back to London from Doncaster is bittersweet. Louis loves being home with his family, loves seeing his sisters and his brother, loves spending time with everyone and leaving is always hard. On the other hand he has a date scheduled for this evening and he’s looking forward to it, though he wonders what it says about him that he booked an appointment with Nick while sitting in his mother’s kitchen as she made him a cup of tea. 

God, he probably never should have done this but it feels, already, like it might be hard to stop.

He’s staying in a hotel suite again for the next few days – easier to stay in central London for work than make the commute into the city. Plus Louis isn’t very comfortable bringing strangers to his home. Hotel it is.

Once he’s checked in and gone up to the suite Louis hops in the shower to wash away the travel from his skin, sighing as the hot water sluices over his body. He can’t help but think about what’s going to happen tonight. He’s paying for two hours again now that he’s certain he knows he wants to do things with him. It’s nothing to Louis’ bank account, though, and he’s not worried about spending. Nick’s worth it.

Louis wants to slide his hand down his body, wants to touch himself and come thinking about Nick’s hands but he makes himself stop, hands pressed to the shower wall under the spray. Louis wants to be good for Nick when he gets here, wants to be ready for him.

Louis finishes up his shower and slips out, drying himself off with a towel before walking naked through to the bedroom to pick through his clothes for something to wear. He wants to look good, wants Nick to think he’s pretty, and decides on tight black jeans again coupled with a more fitted t-shirt this time – one that he knows hugs the curves and dip of his waist. 

When he’s finished dressing he sits on the edge of the bed to check his phone. There are a few texts from his sisters, one from his mum, another from Liam confirming that they’re meeting at the studio tomorrow to do some writing. Louis smiles, sending Liam the thumbs up emoji, then sets his phone aside on the night table and frowns for a moment. Should he be doing this, he wonders? Should he be holing up in his hotel room waiting for a hired escort to hang out with him and have sex? Louis supposes there’s some internalized shame about it going on and tries to tell himself that it’s okay, that it’s harder for him to get into a relationship or casual hook-ups on nights out when being outed to the world is on the line.

He’s not ashamed of himself. Louis’ not ashamed of being gay and loving men, but he doesn’t think it’s important to his career and he doesn’t want it to define him. He doesn’t want to be The Gay One, he doesn’t want to be the gay boybander. He wants to be a good singer and a great song writer, he wants to be charitable and help people when he can, he wants to be successful and to work hard. He doesn’t think his being gay has any relevance to that and so, Louis supposes, for the time being this is a good compromise. Nick is discreet and Louis isn’t worried about him giving anything up to the rags because there’s something in it for Nick to lose, too. Soliciting money for sex isn’t exactly legal, after all.

At least he’s not panicking about it, this time. He feels less nervous and more excited, now that he knows what Nick is like in person. He’s handsome and lovely and put Louis at ease rather quickly and Louis is glad for it. 

Louis gets up from his spot on the bed and opens his bag, tugging out his wallet. He’s taken the cash for tonight out, counts it out – six hundred and sixty pounds – before wandering over to the desk and pulling open a drawer to fish out an envelope. Once the cash is tucked inside Louis leaves the room, heads to the entry way to set the envelope on the hall table and then returns to the bedroom to stretch out while he waits.

He wonders if Nick knows who he is, and then curses himself for being that vain, as if it even matters. He supposes Nick probably does, though, considering this is London and Louis is in One Direction. Nick probably does know who he is and Louis isn’t sure if he’s weirded out or comforted by it. Nick never asked, never pried, and for that Louis is grateful. Maybe they should talk about it, considering this isn’t just a one-time event and this is their second date. Date? Appointment? Louis doesn’t know. It’s not really a date, he knows that, but Nick makes it feel like it is. Louis supposes it’s part of that whole ‘boyfriend experience’ thing. Nick isn’t his boyfriend, and Louis isn’t really pretending Nick is either, but Nick is good at making it feel that easy and intimate and nice, which Louis really likes.

Louis really likes kissing Nick, too, and he can’t help the smile he hides in the arm draped over his face when he thinks about doing it again.

As if on cue there’s a knock on Louis’ hotel door. He pushes himself up and feels a lot less nervous this time around though there still are some butterflies fluttering around in his tummy as he walks his way through the suite and to the entry hall. Louis double-checks his appearance in the hall mirror before he pulls the door open and smiles up at Nick who’s standing on the other side dressed in tight jeans and another button down, though this one is less obnoxious than last week’s shirt.

“Hi, come in,” Louis says, stepping back to let Nick step forward. “You alright?” He asks, casual as Nick lets the door close behind him.

“Good, love, you?” Nick asks, smiling back at Louis as he leans in to press a kiss to Louis’ cheek in greeting. It’s nice. 

“Good, yeah, just hanging out,” Louis tells him, shrugging a little. Nick has a leather shoulder bag with him this time and Louis supposes it’s full of whatever things he might need over his appointments. He didn’t have it last time and Louis also supposes that’s because Louis hadn’t even been sure if he’d wanted to actually fool around then. He’s still pretty new to all of this but he thinks he’s sort of got a grasp on the protocol, so Louis tosses a smile Nick’s way before telling Nick he’ll be in the sitting room.

Louis turns to excuse himself, catches Nick swiping the envelope from the table before dipping into the bathroom. Standard procedure he supposes. He wonders if people try to short Nick on cash often, if counting it in the bathroom is for every client or just the new ones or what. He’s not offended or anything, but curious, though he knows these are questions far too rude to ask.

Nick returns shortly, bag left in the bathroom, and strides over to where Louis is sat in the corner of the couch. Nick sits himself down with Louis, hand immediately coming out to cup over Louis’ knee and squeeze. He’s remembered that Louis is ticklish and Louis doesn’t know what to do with that information as he squirms and can’t help but grin about it.

“Stop,” he laughs, pushing Nick’s hand away playfully and delighting in the bright grin that lights up Nick’s face.

“Couldn’t resist seeing you smile like that, could I?” Nick asks and there’s a light airy laugh on his voice and it’s very lovely. Louis likes him a lot, already, and it’s all very nice.

“Please,” Louis laughs, rolling his eyes a little and shifting a bit so he’s angled more toward Nick, who’s got his arm draped over the back of the couch, fingertips gently skittering along Louis’ shoulder. “You’re a flirt,” Louis tells him but it’s all cheek.

“Guilty, me,” Nick says with a grin, lets his fingers slip up to the back of Louis’ neck and gently rub little patterns into Louis’ skin. “Did you have a good day?” He asks, and Louis is so glad it’s not awkward or weird. It’s… nice. Really nice.

“Mm, just drove down from up north,” he says, casual, shrugging. “Back to the city for work,” Louis tells him.

“Busy life of a twenty-something, hm,” Nick laughs and Louis does too. Nick isn’t addressing whether or not he knows who Louis is and Louis appreciates it. He doesn’t have to be Louis Tomlinson: Pop Star here. He’s just Louis, to Nick. It’s nice.

“Not too bad right now,” Louis says with a shrug, appreciating the gentle touches from Nick. “Just lots of song writing and stuff right now, which I love a lot, so it’s okay. I’ll be on the road in June, though. Til October,” Louis explains, glancing up at Nick’s eyes to see if he’ll acknowledge it.

“Ah, yes,” Nick nods, carding his fingertips through the fine hairs at the back of Louis’ neck, making him shiver. “Adventures and world travel and thousands of screaming fans, what a life,” Nick says, smiling as he strokes through Louis’ hair. It feels so nice.

“So you do know,” Louis blurts, before his brain catches up. “Shit,” he laughs, biting his lip and ducking his head in embarrassment.

“Love, every person in the bloody world knows who you are,” Nick teases, scratching his short nails gently against the back of Louis’ neck. “But you never brought it up last week so I didn’t either,” he says, sliding his hand around to trace his fingers down Louis’ jaw and lift his head to make Louis look at him again. 

“Thanks,” Louis says, smiling as he looks at Nick. “It’s hard for me to do all the things I want to do, sometimes, and so. I’m not, y’know, out and stuff,” Louis says, watching the way Nick’s eyes soften as he nods gently.

“Not to worry, hm? What we do together is no one’s business,” Nick says, resting his arm back on the back of the couch and Louis kind of misses his touch already. “Why don’t we take your mind off it instead?” Nick asks, and Louis smiles, nods a bit.

“Sounds good, yeah,” Louis tells him. “We could, um. The bedroom? Maybe?” He asks, suddenly a little nervous. The bedroom is more official, Louis supposes. It’s more concrete, more about what they’re both here for. And they don’t have all night… though Louis could afford that, if he wanted.

“Definitely,” Nick nods, smiling at him. “Let me get my things, I’ll be right in after you,” he says, stepping away to let Louis get up. Nick heads back to the bathroom where he’d left his bag and Louis heads for the bedroom where he nudges his dufflebag to the floor and wonders if he should turn down the sheets or just leave them. 

He has no time to decide, however, before Nick’s back with his leather bag, setting it on one of the end tables on either side of the large bed. Nick leans to unzip his leather boots, kicking them off and glancing back at Louis as he settles himself on one side of the bed.

“You coming up or shall I just pose for you?” Nick asks and it’s all cheek and teasing and Louis laughs brightly as he moves to climb up onto the bed and sprawl out next to Nick, rolling his eyes.

“You’re quite lovely to look at,” Louis tells him, shrugging a bit. “Better up close, though,” Louis says, just to watch Nick smile.

“Now who’s flirting?” Nick asks as he slips a hand over the curve of Louis’ hip, squeezing gently.

“Shut up,” Louis says, shaking his head a bit. “And kiss me, yeah?”

Nick just smiles, and does. He leans in to press their lips together, shifting a bit closer while pulling Louis in by the small of his back to press their bodies together. Louis likes that he can feel Nick’s hand practically spanning the entire width of his back. He’s always rather liked being smaller than his partners, liked feeling caged in and delicate, and Nick certainly gives him that.

Louis deepens the kiss as he runs a hand up the front of Nick’s shirt and over his chest, thumb brushing over his hardened nipple just to hear Nick gasp into the kiss. He moans softly, pressing in a little bit closer and arching his back a bit to encourage Nick’s hands to wander. Louis loves to be touched, loves physical contact and the intimacy it all brings, and he wants Nick to feel free to touch him.

Nick’s hands do wander and Louis can’t help the groan he lets out when Nick slides a hand down over Louis’ arse, squeezing and pulling Louis in closer until their hips are pressed up together. Louis knows he has a nice arse, knows he’s lucky for it, and takes a bit of pride in the way Nick can’t seem to get enough of squeezing and touching like he is. 

“God,” Louis breathes into the kiss, nipping at Nick’s lower lip gently. “You’re so fit,” Louis says, pressing another kiss to Nick’s lips and rocking his hips forward a bit against Nick’s. Louis’ hard already, uncomfortable in his tight jeans but he likes it, in a way, knowing how hard he is but not doing anything about it. He’s being good and waiting. He wants to be good for Nick.

“Tell me what you want, love,” Nick coos as he slips his fingertips underneath Louis’ t-shirt to trace shapes into the arched small of Louis’ back. “Anything you want,” Nick says and Louis whines softly.

“Just this,” Louis tells him, nudging Nick’s shoulder to let Nick lay flat on his back before Louis throws his leg over Nick’s hips to straddle him. Nick’s hands slide up over Louis’ thick thighs, squeezing a bit before his fingertips slip up beneath Louis’ shirt to slide over his skin. Louis shivers at the touch and goes back down, pressing his lips to Nick’s and kissing him deeply again. It’s really good and Louis is mildly embarrassed by the fact that he loves this so much but he’s always been a big fan of kissing and it’s no different with Nick. It’s amazing, with Nick. Nick is a great kisser and he’s enthusiastic about it and it all goes right to Louis’ dick, hard in his jeans and a little uncomfortable behind the tight denim.

Louis breaks the kiss eventually to trail his lips down over Nick’s sharp jaw, biting gently and kissing his way down along Nick’s neck while his hands slide up Nick’s body to the buttons of Nick’s shirt. Louis rather likes that Nick’s worn button-downs the last two times – there’s something really sexy about undoing the buttons, like he’s revealing Nick’s body. Louis likes it a lot. His lips press to each bit of skin he exposes as he opens buttons, nuzzling Nick’s chest a little and loving the soft feel of Nick’s chest hair against his face. He smells clean and nice and warm and like expensive cologne and Louis would bury his face in Nick’s chest forever if he didn’t think Nick would think it was kind of weird. 

When Louis’ finally got Nick’s shirt untucked and completely unbuttoned he sits up properly again, resting back on Nick’s thighs as he runs his hands down over Nick’s chest and stomach and to the button of Nick’s jeans. He watches Nick the entire time, watches the way Nick bites at his lip when Louis’ fingertips drag over Nick’s nipples.  

“You sure like to look, don’t you?” Nick asks, smirking a bit as his fingertips hook gently into the waist of Louis’ jeans, holding him gently. Louis blushes, ducking his head and shrugging a bit.

“Can’t help it,” Louis tells him, nodding gently and glancing up again. “You’re nice to look at,” Louis says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the sharp dip of Nick’s collarbone before nipping at his skin gently. “I just want to look sometimes,” Louis admits, tucking his head down to press his forehead against Nick’s collarbone.

“S’alright, love,” Nick tells him as he brings one hand up to rest at the back of Louis’ neck and then slip through his hair. “Whatever you like, it’s alright,” he says again, stroking back Louis’ hair.

“’Kay,” Louis says, smiling a bit and kissing Nick’s chest once more before he shifts to move down the bed, nudging Nick’s knees apart so he can settle between them and press more kisses down the sharp cut of Nick’s hipbone and along the waistband of Nick’s jeans. He can tell, can see that Nick’s hard in his jeans and Louis wants to taste him again, wants to suck him down and show Nick how good he can be.

He moves his hands to open the button of Nick’s jeans and smiles a bit, focussed as he tugs the zip down slowly. Nick lifts his hips for Louis to tug his jeans and pants down, helps Louis get them off before he shrugs out of his shirt as well and tosses it. Nick is naked and Louis is still fully dressed and Louis loves every little part of having a fit bloke he’s attracted to sprawled out in his bed for Louis to do whatever he likes. Louis likes making this all about Nick and making Nick feel good. Louis loves that.

Louis sits on his knees, legs tucked beneath him as he takes Nick’s erection into his hand and gives him a few slow strokes before ducking down to take Nick into his mouth. If there’s anything Louis loves best in the world he thinks it might be sucking cock. He loves the power that comes with it, knowing his partners are entirely at his mercy but mostly he loves knowing that he’s doing a good job in making his partner feel good; loves making a man moan and gasp just because of Louis’ mouth on him.

“Mm, good,” Nick sighs above him and Louis would smile if his mouth wasn’t stretched wide around Nick’s thick cock. Louis pulls up and gives the head of Nick’s cock and appreciative flick of his tongue instead, flicks it along the slit before taking Nick deep again, pushing down until he feels the tickle of his gag reflex threatening to kick in. It doesn’t defer him, though, and instead Louis only wants to get better and be able to take Nick deeper. 

Louis doubles his efforts, moving faster now and sucking harder on the upstrokes as he blinks his eyes open to watch Nick’s face. Nick looks beautiful, a slight crease between his eyebrows as he focuses his attention on Louis and Louis practically preens under the attention. When Nick rests a hand at the back of Louis’ neck Louis can’t help but to press into it, encouraging Nick to stroke through his hair. Nick gets the hint and does, tugging gently here and there and Louis moans around him.

“Doing so good,” Nick tells him, sending shivers down Louis spine. It’s all he wants, really, is to know that Nick likes what Louis’ doing. “Let me see those pretty blue eyes, hm?” Nick asks and Louis flicks his gaze upward immediately, willing to do exactly what Nick asks if it means Nick will tell him he’s good, again.

Louis moans around Nick’s cock and keeps his eyes trained on Nick’s face the entire time as he brings a hand up to join his mouth around Nick’s cock. He bobs his head a little faster now, focusing more on the head of Nick’s cock while his hand works over the rest. Louis feels painfully hard in his jeans at this point, feels the pressure building and wonders, for a moment, if he might come in his jeans just from sucking Nick off. A shiver runs down his spine at the idea and his cock twitches in his jeans, no doubt spilling pre-come the whole time.

“So pretty, aren’t you?” Nick coos to him, smiling a bit as he watches Louis bob up and down on his cock. “Pretty mouth you’ve got,” he says and Louis has to slip his free hand down to press against his straining erection to relieve some of the pressure there. Nick’s words go straight to his dick and he whimpers around Nick as his hand presses against his erection a bit more before making himself pull away. He wants it to hurt, wants to be so desperate to come, and he’s not quite there yet.

Louis moans around Nick’s cock when Nick tells him he’s close and all Louis really wants to do is have Nick come in his mouth, to taste him and swallow it all, show Nick his empty mouth and clean tongue when he does; show Nick how good he is. He pushes himself harder, pushes himself to take Nick deeper and let Nick feel the flutter of his gag reflex around the head of Nick’s cock. Louis wants to make it perfect for Nick. 

“Gonna come in your mouth if you keep that up,” Nick moans above him and Louis nods, barely, as best as he can around Nick. “Yeah?” He asks, raising his eyebrows and Louis blinks up at him, hoping Nick can at least read the desire in his eyes. “God, yeah,” Nick moans again, rocking his hips up a little and Louis chokes a bit but doesn’t stop until he feels Nick begin to come, tastes him as he pulls up to suck the head and stroke Nick off with his hand until he’s done.

Louis moans a bit as he pulls off completely, whimpering softly and watching Nick as Nick watches him swallow pointedly. Louis smiles, licking over his lips before parting them and sticking his tongue out just a little to show he’d swallowed it all. Louis gets off a little on the way Nick sucks in a breath and cards his fingers through Louis’ hair.

“God, you’re something else, aren’t you?” Nick asks, a little breathless but smiling anyway. “Missed a bit,” he says as he swipes his fingertip over Louis’ lower lip and presses his finger into Louis’ mouth. Louis moans around his finger, sucking him clean and flicking his tongue a little when Nick pulls back. 

“Wanted to be good,” Louis says, and his voice is fucking wrecked. He’s so lucky he doesn’t have to record tomorrow because there’s no way in hell he’d be able to sing.

“You’re so good,” Nick tells him, fingertips tracing along Louis’ jaw and up over his high cheekbones. “Don’t you want to come? Those jeans can’t feel nice anymore,” he says, sly and sultry and Louis groans. He’s so hard in his jeans, it’s aching now and he feels a little sweaty all over.

“Hurts, a bit,” Louis admits, shifting up on his knees a little and smiling as Nick slides his hands up under Louis’ t-shirt to push it up his body. He follows Nick’s lead and pulls it over his head, gasping when Nick takes the opportunity to cup his hand over the bulge in Louis’ jeans and squeeze. “Fuck, shit,” Louis whimpers, curling in on himself a little. He’s so hard. It hurts.

“Let me help you,” Nick says, quick as he unbuttons Louis’ jeans and teasingly drags the zip down. Louis groans a bit as he watches Nick pull the denim down over Louis’ hips until he’s just tenting out the front of his boxer-briefs, a wet patch on the front where the pre-come has seeped through.

“Fuck, I’m so hard,” Louis whines a little, panting a bit as he works to get his pants off too, wiggling out of them until he’s naked as well. 

“Come here,” Nick says, beckoning him closer as he reaches over to the bag he’d set on the night table and reaches in, coming back out with a small tube of lubricant. “Can I finger you?” He asks and Louis has to reach down and squeeze the base of his cock to fend off coming right then and there. 

“God, yeah,” Louis nods, nearly desperate for it. 

“Up, up,” Nick urges, pulling at Louis’ hip until Louis shifts his way up to straddle Nick’s chest. Nick leans to press a kiss to the head of Louis’ cock, tongue rolling over the tip and licking up the pre-come there. Louis moans as he watches Nick’s lips close around the head of his cock and he’s vaguely aware of the sound of the tube of lubricant snapping shut but he doesn’t think too much of it until he feels wet fingertips press between his arse cheeks and rub over his hole.

“Oh god,” Louis gasps a little and bites his lip as he feels Nick gently rub over him and then ease his fingertip inside. Louis shudders, grasping onto the headboard to keep his balance on his knees, rather precariously straddled over Nick’s chest. “Fuck, Nick,” Louis whimpers, tipping his head back on his shoulders as Nick’s finger eases slowly into him. It’s so good and Louis can’t help but press his hips down a little to make Nick go deeper. Louis fingers himself, occasionally, but it’s not the same as having someone else do it, especially because his hands aren’t nearly as big as Nick’s. 

Louis’ eyes flutter closed and he drops his chin to his chest again, focusing on the feeling of Nick’s warm, wet mouth on his cock and the wonderful feeling of Nick slipping a second finger into his arse and gently beginning to thrust them in and out. It’s everything Louis needed and he can’t help the way he moans loudly each time Nick brushes over his prostate; can’t help the small cries he lets out as he rocks his hips a little bit, not entirely sure whether to press into the warmth of Nick’s mouth or back onto his long, slender fingers. 

“Fuck, I’m so close already,” Louis breathes out, a little embarrassed but he finds that only makes him hotter, really. He very nearly got off just on sucking Nick’s dick and can’t really help how close he is. Louis shudders a little, feeling the tremble in his thighs as Nick rubs right over his prostate. Louis’ fingers clench at the headboard and he doesn’t think he can possibly hold out.

“On me then, yeah,” Nick says as he pulls off of Louis’ cock. Louis’ not offended that Nick doesn’t want him to come in his mouth, he doesn’t much care where it happens so long as it  _ does.  _

“Yeah,” Louis nods, eyes focused on where Nick brings his free hand up to jerk Louis off the rest of the way, the fingers of his other hand still pressing right up against his prostate in the most perfect way. “God, yeah, m’gonna come,” Louis moans loudly, bucking his hips a little bit as he starts to come, thick spurts of it splashing against the sharp cut of Nick’s jaw and along his neck and it’s perhaps one of the hottest things Louis’ ever seen to watch his come dribble down Nick’s neck and into the dip of his collarbone.

“There you go,” Nick purrs to him, stroking Louis through his orgasm until he’s finished and sensitive, shuddering as Nick eases his fingers out. Louis groans, rolls himself over to flop onto the bed next to Nick while Nick cleans himself up. Louis pants as he stares up at the ceiling, stretching his legs out and sighing happily, a smile on his face as Nick settles back on the bed having used the tissues on the table to clean himself up.

“Amazing,” Louis sighs, turning his head to look at Nick, a grin on his face. “God, that was incredible,” he says, all smiles and bright eyes.

“It was,” Nick says, hand slipping over Louis’ tummy and curling around his hip gently. “You’re amazing with that mouth,” Nick tells him and Louis smiles a little, preening under the praise.

“Do you want to shower? With me?” Louis asks, not even sure if that’s something he’s allowed to ask for, but he supposes it’s worth it to ask considering they still have around forty minutes of time together.

“Love to,” Nick tells him, squeezing Louis’ hip gently. “We’ve got plenty of time,” he says, smiling at Louis.

“’Kay,” Louis says with a little smile of his own as he shifts to get up, arching his back a little until it cracks before he hops off the bed. “I’ll get it going,” he tells Nick as he slips off into the attached bathroom. It’s a lot bigger and more luxurious than the bathroom just off the sitting room of the suite. This one has a giant glass shower and a large soaker tub and Louis is certainly not going to let himself think about what it might be like to settle into a hot bubble bath with Nick, no way. He pushes the thoughts from his mind as he opens the shower door and turns the water on, getting it hot before he closes the door again and goes to the doorway to peek into the bedroom at Nick again. Nick’s still naked, has picked up his clothes and boots and set them on the bed to re-dress once they’re all showered.

“All ready?” He asks, looking up when he notices Louis’ presence.

“Ready, yeah,” Louis tells him, biting back a smile before slipping into the bathroom again and stepping into the hot, steamy shower. He groans as the hot water washes over him, shakes his hair from his eyes as Nick steps in behind him and closes the door. Louis feels Nick step up behind him, feels Nick’s hands slide over his hips and curl around his waist, and he likes it. Louis knows he’s paying for this but it doesn’t really feel like it and, at any rate, he’s getting his money’s worth.

“Let me wash your hair, yeah?” Nick asks, gently digging his fingers into Louis’ tummy because, as he knows by now, Louis is ticklish. Louis squirms in his arms, laughing a bit and nodding as he reaches for the shampoo bottle he’d left in the shower when he’d arrived earlier in the day.

“Don’t tickle me,” Louis laughs lightly, but there’s no malice behind it. He knows Nick does it because it makes Louis laugh, and it’s casual and fun and nice, really. Louis almost lets himself think that it’s familiar, but stops himself because, no. No, this is a business transaction and that’s how he needs to treat this.

Nick just grins, all wide and toothy and lovely as he squeezes some of the shampoo out into a large hand and then begins working his fingers through Louis’ hair, sudsing it thoroughly. It feels really nice and Louis lets himself close his eyes for a moment, lets himself soak it up and relish in how nice it feels to have someone’s hands in his hair. He’s always rather liked his hair played with and Nick is doing an excellent job.

“Reckon you could rock a pretty nice Mohawk,” Nick says after he’s fashioned one out of Louis’ soapy hair. 

“Doubtful,” Louis laughs a little, shaking his head a bit and smiling as Nick guides him to turn him around and tip Louis’ head back to let the water wash out the shampoo. 

“Reckon you could rock any look, really,” Nick tells him, working his fingers through to get all the shampoo out. “When you’ve got a face as pretty as yours you don’t have to worry much about the hair,” he says and it sounds fond and lovely. 

When Louis’ hair is rinsed he opens his eyes to look up at Nick, moving out from under the spray in order to get the shampoo and squeeze some out to wash Nick’s hair in return.

“You’re too tall,” Louis accuses, reaching up to work the shampoo though Nick’s thick hair. 

“I’m just fine, thanks,” Nick laughs, though he leans down a little to make it easier for Louis. “You’re rather lovely, though, aren’t you? Could fold you up and keep you in my pocket,” Nick says as Louis laughs and tugs at his hair a little. 

“Shut it,” Louis says, grinning as he nudges Nick back to the spray so he can rinse his hair clean. 

“Not a bad thing, love,” Nick tells him. “It’s quite nice,” he says and Louis smiles, nibbling his lip as he watches Nick rinse his hair. He lets himself reach out to brush his fingertips along the sharp cut of Nick’s hip, following the line of his torso inward until his fingertips tease along the trail of hair leading down from Nick’s navel. 

It’s a little frustrating because Nick is nearly exactly Louis’ type. Tall, lithe, charming, a little hipster-y and annoying, probably. The kind of person Louis could annoy and wind up until he snaps and they have hot aggressive sex because they’re both so pent up with each other regardless of how deeply in love they are. 

Louis stops himself from getting to far. Louis had sought Nick out precisely because he’s the type of man Louis likes and he knows that. It’s sex, it’s business, and it’s keeping Louis discreet and safe. That’s all.

Still, he lets himself have a moment to memorize the way Nick smiles at him as he finishes rinsing his hair and pulls Louis in close to him, pressed together under the hot spray of the shower as Nick tips Louis’ head up and brings their lips together in a soft kiss.

Boyfriend experience, indeed.

Louis’ in trouble.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Louis’ phone buzzes on the coffee table his feet are propped up on in the studio he’s spent the day with Liam in. They’ve been writing – making some progress but mostly they’ve just been fucking around with melodies, humming bits here and there. Sometimes the music comes to them before the lyrics and today is one of those days, seemingly. He’s not complaining, though, because any chance Louis has to pester Liam is a chance Louis won’t let go of.

He reaches for his phone, swiping open and typing in his passcode to view the new email notification. Louis swallows thickly; glancing up briefly to make sure no one’s watching him as he opens the email. No one could see his phone from where they’re sitting but Louis’ tummy still flip-flops a little at the mere thought of someone catching him reading the new email he’s just received from Daisy.

‘ _ Mr. Tomlinson, _

_ Confirmed is your appointment for Thursday evening at 8 o’clock. Please see the attached directions.  _

_ All the best, _

_ Daisy.’ _

Louis bites his lip and closes his email, deciding to look at the directions to Nick’s in-call location later. He’s gone back home for the time being, to his flat, not really willing to deal with any questions about why he’s staying in hotels when he’s got a flat  _ and  _ a house in London that are perfectly beautiful and completely empty. He had to return home sometime and he would maybe invite Nick over to his flat sometime, maybe, but he’s not quite ready for that just yet. Paps sometimes hang around in his neighbourhood and Louis is in no mood to even consider the idea of photographs of Nick arriving and leaving his building getting out, no matter how inconspicuous it could seem.

He’s decided to go to Nick this time, to his in-call location. Louis has no idea if it’s Nick’s own home or what, though he supposes Nick isn’t super interested in bringing his work home with him and having potentially rogue clients knowing where he lives, so Louis decides to set his curiosity aside for now and find out on Thursday. 

Three more days. 

“What’s got you smiling, Tommo?” Comes Liam’s voice from across the room and Louis’ head shoots up, eyes widening.

“Hm? Nothing,” Louis says, shaking his head and stuffing his phone into the pocket of the Adidas jumper he’s wearing. He doesn’t need anyone prying about this, especially not Liam. It’s not that Liam’s not trustworthy, but more it’s that Liam is a chronic worrier and has trouble keeping secrets when he thinks something could be wrong or someone might be in trouble, and Louis is more than certain that Liam wouldn’t be able to help himself but call an intervention for Louis with the lads if he found out Louis was making appointments with a damn prostitute at a pace of twice per week thus far.

“You can’t hide your blushing face,” Liam teases him, coming over to sit himself down next to Louis on the couch to wrestle him up a little. 

“M’not blushing, fuck off,” Louis says, laughing it off and shoving Liam away.

“Whatever you say,” Liam grins, pinching Louis’ side as Louis tries to smack Liam’s hands away. “Do you fancy someone? You do! I know it,” Liam laughs and Louis’ heart races in his chest.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t fancy anyone. He doesn’t  _ fancy  _ Nick. He just… enjoys his company, and spending time together, and the orgasms are certainly a bonus. But he absolutely, most definitely does not fancy him. Liam’s out of his mind.

“I don’t,” Louis insists. “Just a text from mum,” he lies, and then feels guilty first for lying to Liam, and secondly for masking his excitement about Nick with a cover story about his mother. He’s fucked.

“You’re such a liar,” Liam says, grinning so hard his eyes nearly disappear into the apples of his cheeks. “You tell me when you’re ready, Tommo,” Liam laughs, getting up again to go bother Julian for a while, for which Louis is grateful.

He curls in on himself a little as he tucks into the corner of the leather couch, pulls his phone out again to re-read over Daisy’s email and check the location of Nick’s in-call spot. He types the address into his Maps app and watches the location be mapped out for him. Louis’ a little surprised when it pops up only a handful of blocks from his own flat. He shouldn’t be surprised, though, that Nick can afford a place nearby to his own. He hasn’t any idea how many appointments Nick has per week but Louis supposes three or four would cover rent in a flat in this neighbourhood for a month. When Louis thinks about the maths he’s almost surprised, really. Three hundred pounds an appointment must add up well.

Frowning, Louis shakes his head. He doesn’t want to think about that – about money, or Nick’s other appointments, or what Nick fills his time with when he’s not seeing Louis.

Louis shakes the thoughts away, decides to set it all aside for now and focus on work. They have an album to write and record and Louis is determined to make it the absolute best album they’ve put out. He knows he and the lads have a lot to live up to and even more to prove now and he’s not about to let the lads or the fans down.

Back to work it is.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The flat Louis finds himself at on Thursday evening is nice, from the outside. A quiet flat in a nice neighbourhood and Louis isn’t sure whether he’s surprised or glad. He’s not sure what he was expecting, either, but he knocks at the door anyway and feels a bit like a knob standing there with his jumper hood pulled up and sunglasses on in the fucking evening but he doesn’t want anyone to recognize him.

He feels stupid. This is stupid, and risky, and he’s stupid. He’s taking chances he shouldn’t be, and for what? Nick, whose last name Louis doesn’t even know. It’s stupid.

Louis is shaken from his thoughts when the door is pulled open and Nick is on the other side, looking beautiful and bright eyed and smiley and it relaxes Louis almost immediately.

“Hiya!” Nick grins, stepping back to let Louis in, closing the door behind him. “How are you, love? Find it okay?” He asks, casual as anything and Louis appreciates that Nick is able to treat it as if they’re just friends or fuck-buddies hanging out or something. He doesn’t feel like an uncomfortable formal appointment with Nick, thank god. 

“Good, yeah,” Louis says, toeing out of his vans and tucking his sunglasses into the pocket of his jumper, feeling a bit more knob-ish, dressed casual while Nick is dressed as nice as ever in his fitted trousers and button-down, hipster as always and Louis smirks at the thought. He supposes getting a look around the place will let him know if his hipster suspicions are true or not. Probably are.

“Can I get you anything, a drink? Wine, something harder?” Nick asks, gaze flickering to the hall table in the entry way, subtle but poignant – Louis gets it – and then he heads to the kitchen set off from the entry way. Louis snorts at the double entendre, laughing a little as he pulls his wallet from his jeans. He wasn’t sure how this was supposed to go with him coming to Nick this time but he caught the hint. He wonders if Nick will count it again or if third time’s a charm and Louis is trustworthy now. Louis lays the cash down – three hours’ rate – and then he steps further into the flat. 

“Wine, sure,” Louis says, feeling a little awkward now as he stands on the threshold of the entryway and the living room, getting a little look at the décor. Nick is definitely a hipster and, oddly, Louis finds himself thinking that he and Harry would probably get along really well. The flat is full of weird art and trinkets on shelves, it looks cozy but not really lived in, and Louis assumes that this is a business only location. It’s nice, at any rate. It has the hominess of a hotel suite. No one actually lives here.

“Here you are,” Nick says as he comes around behind Louis, smiling and offering him a wine glass. Nick has his own in his other hand, takes a sip as he lets his free hand touch gently to Louis’ hip. He wouldn’t have had time to get his cash between wine and now so Louis takes it as a sign that Nick trusts Louis to be honest, by this point.

“Thanks,” Louis says as he takes the glass, has a small sip of his own. “Nice flat,” Louis tells him, not sure what to say. This is Nick’s space, now. He’s unused to it this time, even if the last two had been in hotel rooms. They were Louis’ hotel rooms, it was his turf, so to speak. Now he’s in Nick’s space and Louis feels out of sorts about it.

“It does me alright,” Nick laughs a little, bumping his hip against Louis’ gently and having another sip of wine. “You okay? Seem a little tense,” Nick offers, raising his eyebrows gently.

“I’m okay,” Louis says, nodding a bit and taking a sip before looking back at Nick. “I feel like… intruding, a bit,” he finally admits, shrugging gently.

“I wouldn’t have had you over if I thought you’d be intruding,” Nick says, comforting in a way that Louis knows is genuine but also that Nick likely isn’t too concerned because Louis’ fairly sure Nick doesn’t actually live here. “Why don’t you let me rub your back, hm? Get you relaxed and feeling good,” Nick offers, finishing the last of his wine and giving Louis the time to think about it.

It sounds nice, especially considering how much Louis likes Nick’s hands, but he’s not sure that he can let Nick do that for him. Louis feels a little strange about being here in the first place and like maybe he should double his efforts to really be good for Nick to make up for the fact that Louis’ invading Nick’s personal space like this, regardless that Nick told him he wasn’t. Louis doesn’t know.

“Hm? What do you say, love?” Nick asks, pulling Louis from his thoughts and sliding one hand from Louis’ waist up his back and along his shoulder. “Let’s go to bed, hm? Let me take care of you,” Nick says, squeezing Louis’ shoulder gently and taking the half-finished wine glass from Louis’ hand to set it on the coffee table.

“Alright,” Louis says, nodding just a bit and letting Nick tangle their fingers together and lead him off down the hallway, past the bathroom and into the bedroom at the end of the hall. It’s cozy, too, decorated warmly with soft lighting and there’s a candle burning on the desk – something that reminds Louis of warmth and baking. Vanilla, probably.

“Why don’t you get undressed, yeah? Lay on the bed, I’ll get some things,” Nick says as he turns to pull open some drawers. Louis lets himself watch for a moment before he tugs his jumper and t-shirt over his head, setting them on the chest at the end of the bed. He tugs off his skinny jeans next, steps out of his socks, but leaves his pants on as he moves to climb up and sprawl out on the bed on his tummy. The bedding smells clean and fresh and it’s soft under his skin and Louis is glad for it.

Nick comes back a moment later, sets a bottle of massage oil on the bed before he gets out of his own clothes, left in just his pants as well as he climbs up onto the bed and straddles Louis’ thighs.

“Anything on your mind, love?” Nick asks as Louis hears the pop of the bottle of oil opening. He shrugs gently , shifts his arms a little as he gets settled on the bed. 

“No, not really,” Louis says, nibbling his lip. He’d felt nervous with Nick before, a little antsy about it all, but never really has he felt shame until tonight and he thinks it’s the fact that he’s here in Nick’s space  _ and  _ Nick is about to massage his back and Louis is just  _ taking  _ from him. He feels off about it.

“We’ll get you feeling amazing, anyway,” Nick tells him as he slides his hands up over Louis’ smooth skin. The massage oil is warm and silky and Louis sighs a bit, closes his eyes as Nick’s big hands work over his back and along his shoulders, adding pressure to work out the knots in his muscles.

Louis can’t help the groan he lets out when Nick presses into his shoulders; he feels the tension practically melting out of him. Nick certainly knows what he’s doing as he works his hands over Louis’ muscles, digging in with his thumbs where Louis needs it most. It feels good – hurts in all the best ways and Louis can’t help that he’s definitely getting hard in his pants. The massage feels amazing and Nick’s touching him all over and Louis finds himself really getting into it as Nick slides his hands lower, working over the small of Louis’ back. He moans softly, biting his lip a bit and sighing into it when Nick digs in. Louis feels like putty beneath Nick’s hands.

“Can I take these off?” Nick asks, fingertips hooking into the waistband of Louis’ pants in question. Louis nods his agreement, lifts his hips for Nick to pull his pants down and off completely. Louis feels a little vulnerable, stretched out like this, completely exposed. “God, what an arse,” Nick says and Louis feels Nick’s warm breath and soft lips press a kiss right to the small of his back while his hands slip over Louis’ arse cheeks, squeezing gently.

Louis knows he’s blushing, moves to hide his face in his folded arms as Nick’s hands run over his arse, massaging downward over his upper thighs and back up again. He’s not used to being like this with Nick – with letting Nick dote on him and pay attention to him like this – and it’s not bad at all, it’s rather nice, but it’s different and Louis doesn’t quite know how to  _ take  _ like this.

Louis gasps a little as Nick dips his thumbs between Louis’ cheeks and spreads him a little as he works his hands over Louis. It feels a little dirty and a little vulnerable having Nick do that, having Nick just look at him all naked and exposed completely. Still, he lets out a shaky breath and relaxes into it when Nick slides a slick thumb over his hole, adding pressure but not enough to press inside.

“Fuck,” Louis whimpers softly, tipping his head back a little.

“Yeah?” Nick asks and Louis can practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Want my fingers inside, love?” He presses further, oil-slick fingertips rubbing down over Louis’ perineum and back up over his entrance, tracing little circles around him.

“Oh god,” Louis groans, nodding his head and letting his eyelashes flutter closed. “Yes, please, yes,” Louis moans out, shifting his hips back a little into Nick’s touch.

Louis feels Nick shift off of him to settle between Louis’ legs now, nudging his thighs open and spreading him out on the bed. Nick’s hands go away from his body for a moment and Louis opens his eyes to see Nick reaching over to the night table, pulling the drawer open and reaching in for a tube of lubricant before he settles back between Louis’ legs. 

Louis moans when he feels Nick’s slick fingertips press against his hole again, one finger curling inside of him and easing in gently, slowly. Louis shudders, his own fingers clenching in the bedsheets beneath him. It feels amazing and Louis has always been easy for getting fingered; likes it almost more than anything, if he’s honest. Besides getting fucked, he supposes. That’s his favourite.

“So good for me,” Nick tells him and Louis moans at the words, spreading his legs a little more and arching his back a bit. He can show off a little, maybe. Nick’s finger eases out and presses back in gently and Louis sighs into it, biting his lip. He’s fucking hard, trapped between his own body and the bed, and he’s fighting grinding against the sheets because he wants this to last as long as possible. 

“God, yes,” Louis moans quietly, tipping his head back on his shoulders as Nick presses a second finger inside of him, curls his fingers up to seek out Louis’ prostate. He finds it easily enough, rubs his fingers over it before gently beginning to thrust his fingers into Louis. Louis can’t help it,  _ he can’t,  _ the way he grinds his hips back onto Nick’s fingers, wanting to take him deeper. 

“You like this, don’t you?” Nick asks. Louis can hear the arousal in Nick’s voice and it pleases him. That’s all he wants, really. He wants to know Nick’s enjoying it too.

“Yeahh,” Louis whimpers, nodding a bit and rocking his hips back against Nick’s fingers. Nick’s fingers are so long and perfect and Louis loves it but he wants more. He wants more. “Will you fuck me? Please? Fuck me,” He moans out before he can rethink it; decides to just go with it and ask for what he wants. It’s all he can think about, now that he’s sprawled out and fingered open. All he can think about is Nick’s big, amazing cock pushing into him, fucking him deep and perfect.

“Love to,” Nick groans a little, grinding his fingers in deep before pulling them out and rubbing his fingertips in gentle circles over Louis’ hole, then pulling away completely. “Got such a beautiful arse, don’t you? Love to be inside you,” Nick moans and Louis can’t help but whimper, spread his legs a bit more to push up on his knees just a bit. He feels needy and a little slutty, nearly presenting his arse to Nick but he wants it so bad, he can’t help himself.

Louis hears the crinkle of a condom packet, hears Nick tear it open, and then a moment later hears the lube cap pop open again. He shudders a little in anticipation of what’s to come, at feeling Nick’s big cock grind into him deep and slow and perfect. It’s all he wants right now. Louis can’t even think back to the last time he got fucked – might have been in America last spring when he’d gone writing with Liam. It’s been way too long and Louis is so eager for it.

“Just like this?” Nick asks as he shifts on his knees between Louis’ legs.

“Yeah,” Louis nods, not really willing to face what it’d be like to look Nick in the face as he gets fucked. Right now he just wants this – wants to feel Nick inside him and get off with a dick inside him like he hasn’t done in so long. He’s too desperate for it to look Nick in the eye right now, too embarrassed by how needy he feels. “Just fuck me, I can take it,” he says, finding the strength to press up properly onto his knees, keeping his chest and face pressed down against the bed. It’s a little dirty and Louis’ finding he likes it, likes just offering himself up for the taking.

“Fuck,” Nick moans behind him and then Louis feels Nick press up against him, press the head of his cock to Louis’ hole before he eases forward. Louis gasps, arching his back at the feeling. Nick is big, maybe the biggest Louis’ ever had, but he wants it. He feels relaxed and able to take it but it’s no less surprising feeling Nick slowly press into him, inch by inch, until Louis is panting against the sheets when Nick’s hips press up against his arse. “Christ, look at you,” Nick groans out, hands holding onto Louis’ hips. “Taking it all, just like that, god,” he moans and Louis feels his own dick twitch at the praise. He loves that Nick is happy, feels himself preen a little under the attention. He knows he’s easy for taking dick but he doesn’t feel bad about it in the slightest.

Louis moans at the feeling of Nick pressed fully inside of him, shudders a little as he clenches the sheets. He’s so big and Louis feels stretched open in the best way. Nick’s cock is deep and big inside of him and Louis can’t help the way he presses his hips back a little and gasps sharply at feeling Nick press in just that much deeper. 

“You can move,” Louis breathes out, nodding against the sheets a bit. “I can take it,” he says, biting against his lip.

“Know you can,” Nick says, one hand pressing to the small of Louis’ back to make him arch just so, the other holding steady at his hip. “Taking it so well already, like you were made for my cock,” Nick tells him and Louis bucks back a little, eager for Nick to move.

He does, finally; pulls his hips back in a slow drag, putting Louis on edge until he pushes forward again. It feels fucking good, is all Louis can think, and he doesn’t hold back his moans to let Nick know, as well. Louis furrows his brow a little as Nick starts to thrust into him finally, finding a rhythm and pushing into him faster, holding onto Louis’ hips for leverage.

Louis wants to slap himself for having gone so long without this. He knows it’s not easy to find people he trusts and feels comfortable with, in his situation, but he can’t deny how much he enjoys sex with men and he hasn’t had the kind of sex he likes in months and months and this is all making up for it, if he’s honest. Nick feels perfect, he’s big and thick and grinding into Louis in exactly the right angle to press against his prostate. Louis can’t help the moans he lets out, letting himself just take it and give in to how good it feels.

“You’re tight,” Nick tells him and Louis can hear the tension in his voice. “God, you love this, don’t you?” Nick asks as he digs his fingers into the flesh of Louis’ hips.

“Yesss,” Louis hisses, grinding his hips back against Nick, shamelessly loving the sound of Nick’s hips slapping against his arse. It’s filthy and hot as hell and Louis wants to ask Nick to hold him down, he thinks, but he doesn’t know if he can muster it up right now with how good Nick is fucking him. His brain is barely online enough to answer Nick, let alone come up with his own requests.

“So good for me,” Nick purrs, grinding in deep and hard, pulling Louis’ hips back to meet each of his thrusts. It’s like he knows exactly what Louis likes – that Louis wants to just be taken, to let Nick get off on fucking him, and that’s enough to please Louis, too. Louis hasn’t made a move to touch his cock and he kind of doesn’t want to, wants to come with just Nick fucking him. He’s sure he can. He gets off so hard on the idea of Nick coming because of him.

“You, mm,” Louis starts, biting back a moan as Nick grinds into his prostate. “You should come in me,” he says, tipping his face down against the mattress to hide just how turned on he is by the thought. They’re using a condom, of course – Louis knows the rules – but that doesn’t stop him from wanting Nick to get off inside him rather than have to pull out and jerk himself off instead. What a waste, Louis thinks.

“Fuck,” Nick breathes out, hips stuttering a little and Louis nearly bursts inside, unable to help the smirk spreading on his face as he realizes just how affected by this Nick is. “Yeah? You want that?” Nick asks, grinding in a little faster, chasing his orgasm.

“Mhm,” Louis nods, moaning as he grinds back, dick hard and heavy between his legs. Louis could twist just a little, slip his hand down to curl around his dick and pull himself off but he won’t. He wants to be good for Nick, wants to show Nick how he can come just from getting fucked – when it’s good, that is. And it is good. It’s so good, and all Louis can do is grip the sheets, bite against his lip and shiver as Nick grinds into his prostate. Louis feels his orgasm building low in his belly and he knows it’s close, knows he just needs a few more thrusts and he’s going to come. “Little harder,” Louis whines out softly, shuddering, his muscles all tense.

Nick complies easily, giving Louis what he wants and grinding his hips forward a little harder, a little faster, right where Louis needs it most. Nick’s cock is pressing up against his prostate on nearly every stroke and Louis is becoming a mess beneath Nick – nothing but moans and soft cries, not sure if he’s actually saying any words or just making noises. He can’t help it, though, he’s missed great sex like this for so long and Nick is perfect. It’s only a moment more before Louis is crying out, arching his back sharply as he comes untouched, spurting up over his stomach and chest, some dribbling down onto the sheets beneath him. He feels filthy for it – getting Nick’s sheets all dirty, but also that he came untouched, just from Nick fucking him. He hopes Nick’s proud, that Nick thinks it’s hot.

“Oh god, did you come?” Nick asks, breathless as he grinds forward, Louis nodding beneath him, panting with the force of his orgasm. “You did? Fuck, that’s so perfect, you’re so good,” Nick tells him, sliding a hand over Louis’ back, petting down his side. “Coming just on my cock, what a good boy you are,” Nick moans and Louis can feel him shudder, feel his hips lose rhythm for a moment before Nick’s hands grip Louis’ hips tightly and he pushes in hard, coming with a loud moan that has Louis’ spent dick giving a twitch of interest.

Louis whimpers a little, still breathing hard as Nick rolls his hips, gently rocking into Louis as he rides out his orgasm. He’s fairly sure he hasn’t had sex this good in a very long time and he’s absolutely sure that it was so worth the money and the initial awkwardness of coming here. He groans as Nick gently pulls out, pouts a bit as he flumps down on the bed while Nick leaves to dispose of the condom. Louis feels like mush – really sweaty, really well-fucked mush – and can’t help but close his eyes as he catches his breath. 

Nick returns a few short moments later, pats Louis’ hip and tells him to roll over. Louis does, with a groan, and looks up at Nick who looks – stunning. Sex-flushed, a little dewy with sweat, kind of glowy and smiley and lovely. 

“Let me clean you up,” he says, wiping a warm, wet flannel over Louis’ stomach and chest, cleaning up the mess he’d made all over himself. “You’re something else, you know. Look beautiful like this,” Nick tells Louis, and Louis finds himself wondering if Nick will kiss him without Louis asking. They hadn’t kissed yet, this time, and Louis thinks it’s because he’d asked the last two. He shouldn’t wonder, shouldn’t hope for those things, he knows, but he can’t help it a little bit.

“Thanks,” Louis says, sighing a little. He thinks, maybe, that he should feel a little awkward being all flushed and exposed like this but instead it feels rather nice to have Nick dote on him.

“Not to worry,” Nick says, smiling before he moves again to go drop the flannel in what Louis assumes in the laundry hamper, though it looks more like a decorative wicker box from where he lays. 

Nick returns to the bed, climbing up next to Louis and stretching out on his side, head propped up on his arm. He slides his free hand over Louis’ chest, rubbing gently, and it’s nice to not have it all be a fuck-n-go with Nick. Louis knows he’s paying for the time, but it’s nice that Nick  _ fills  _ the time and doesn’t treat Louis like… well, he doesn’t make Louis feel like he’s just a client, and Louis appreciates it.

“You never told me about liking that,” Nick says, casual and curious as his fingertips trace gentle shapes into Louis’ chest. Louis shrugs a little, averting his eyes for a moment.

“I… would have. Probably, I just. I wanted it,” Louis tells him, trying not to feel embarrassed about it but he supposes it was something they probably should have talked about; should have negotiated.  “Sorry,” Louis says, lowering his eyes.

“Don’t be,” Nick tells him, smoothing his hand flat over Louis’ chest and down along his tummy, curving against his hip. “Nothing to be sorry for, hm? I just wouldn’t want anything to happen that you didn’t want,” Nick says and he’s gentle about it and Louis can’t handle Nick being gentle with him, like Nick can sense Louis needs it. Louis doesn’t want Nick to sense anything about him; to know his secrets.

“I’m fine,” Louis says, not wanting to be petulant but he’s struggling to keep it together, a little bit, and it might be a combination of the incredible sex and Nick reading him like a book. He’s too tired to fight it out.

“Of course you are,” Nick says, resting his hand at Louis’ hip and nodding a little. “Let’s just be sure we talk about it next time, okay? Be sure about what you want,” Nick tells Louis and all Louis can do is nod gently, pulling his lower lip between his teeth to gnaw at. 

It’s quiet for a few moments, both of them alone with their thoughts but Louis is comforted by Nick’s hand on his hip, gentle and grounding, keeping him tethered to the room. Louis feels a little guilty about tonight – about turning up in this place, about Nick just giving Louis what he wanted, about him not being as good for Nick as he could have been. Louis doesn’t like feeling so out of control, usually, but Nick somehow brought it out of him and it makes Louis’ head a little spinny.

“What are you feeling up for?” Nick asks quietly, but it’s not urging or hinting at anything, and Louis knows he’s got at least an hour left in their time together.

“Maybe,” he starts, finally making himself meet Nick’s gaze again. “Tea? Could get dressed and just, have some tea. If that’s okay?”

“Sounds lovely,” Nick says, nodding with a smile on his face. “I’ll put the kettle on, then. Take your time,” he says, presses a kiss to Louis’ shoulder and then rolls away to get up and wander to the dresser where he steps into a pair of cozy looking joggers, tugs a t-shirt over his head.

Louis can’t move for a moment, frozen by the kiss to his shoulder. That’s intimate, he thinks. Fond, perhaps. Louis doesn’t know if that was part of Nick’s whole boyfriend-experience gig or if that was something genuine but it felt more intimate than any of the kisses they’d shared before and Louis doesn’t want to let himself think it. He knows he’s already too fond of Nick and Louis absolutely does not need the added stress of obsessing over whether or not Nick kissed him in a boyfriend-experience kind of way or in an “I’m fond of you” kind of way, fuck.

He groans, pushing himself up to get back into his clothes, tugs his jeans back up over his pants and then pulls his t-shirt on, carrying his jumper in his hand. He’s too warm, still. Too flustered. To confused. 

Louis makes his way down the hall to find Nick in the kitchen where he’s pouring hot water into cups. Louis sets his jumper down on the hall table, noting that the cash is gone, then steps into the kitchen to collect his tea from Nick.

“Here you are, love,” Nick says, handing him a cup before picking up his own.

“Thanks,” Louis tells him with a smile, bringing the cup to his lips to take a tentative sip. It’s hot and burns a little, but Louis doesn’t mind. Maybe he deserves it a little for being so foolish.

“Living room?” Nick asks, raising his eyebrows. “Can put the telly on for a bit before you’ve got to be off,” he tells Louis, casual and Louis finds himself hating it a little how Nick can make it sound so gentle and not like he’s trying to get rid of Louis, when Louis knows that Nick’s aware of exactly how much time is left in their appointment slot. Nick never makes Louis feel like he’s watching the clock, though – he’s really good at making Louis feel like he’s not intruding, like he’s supposed to be with Nick.

“Yeah, alright,” Louis says, shrugging a bit as Nick leads the way. Louis tucks himself into the corner of the couch, cradling his tea cup in his hands as Nick sits as well, one long leg tucked under the other. He looks cozy in joggers and Louis smiles at the realization that he’s never seen Nick like this – soft and comfy and not done-up or naked. It’s nice. Or, it would be, if Louis let himself think that. Which he won’t do. Isn’t doing.

“What are your plans for the rest of the week?” Nick asks, just conversational as he sips his own tea. He’s good at this – at making Louis comfortable and at ease, at making Louis feel like this is just the two of them who’ve known each other for ages and are just hooking up. 

“Just work, really,” Louis says with a small shrug. “Writing with the lads. Probably a few events I have to do but I haven’t really checked my schedule past today,” he says. He should probably do that. 

“Glamorous,” Nick says, smirking around the brim of his cup and Louis can’t help but laugh before he has a sip of his own tea. 

“Suppose,” he says, shrugging. “Not much into that stuff, though. I love writing, I mean. Just… being seen. Not for me,” Louis says, though he knows it sounds a little complainy, and he doesn’t want to seem ungrateful because he loves his job and he loves his life and he honestly wouldn’t trade it for anything. Probably. 

“Don’t blame you one bit,” Nick sympathises, shifting a bit to reach over and let his fingertips run over Louis’ knee gently. Louis reaches down to stop Nick’s hand before he can squeeze, having caught onto Nick’s tricks by now.

“No tickles,” Louis scolds, but it’s playful and Nick laughs, pulling his hand back guiltily, holding it up to show his innocence.

“Caught me,” Nick laughs lightly, leaning over to set his nearly-finished tea cup onto the table before settling back on the couch with Louis. He lets his hand move up to the back of Louis’ neck instead, rubbing and gently playing with Louis’ hair. It feels nice and Louis lets himself enjoy it just for a moment.

“I should go soon,” Louis says, glancing over at Nick. He knows he’s still got time left but he hasn’t any idea how to fill it. He’s not really interested in sex again and by now they’re just waiting out the remaining time anyway. 

“Still got plenty of time,” Nick says, soft and fond as he traces shapes against the back of Louis’ neck.

“I know, thanks,” Louis says, nodding a bit. “I’m more tired than I thought I’d be,” he lies.

“I won’t force you to stay,” Nick says, sliding his fingers through the back of Louis’ hair. 

“Thanks, yeah,” Louis tells him, moving to set his cup down. “I should just. Call it an early night. Lots to do tomorrow,” Louis says and he knows it’s an excuse because he just feels awkward lost in his thoughts about Nick, now. He’s certain Nick knows it’s an excuse too. 

Louis moves to get up from the couch, stretching his arms up over his head for a moment and yelping when Nick gets a tickle in anyway, fingertips skittering over the sliver of exposed tummy from Louis lifting his arms.

“Fucker,” Louis says, laughing as he looks up at Nick who’s smiling back at him, bright and open and Louis doesn’t want to think it but he sees it – fond.

“You’re pretty when you laugh,” Nick says, playing innocent. “Pretty always, but,” he doesn’t finish, shrugging as he stands with Louis, steps around to let Louis past so he can head for the door. 

“You’re just saying that because-“ he stops himself, looking back at Nick. He didn’t mean ‘because I’m paying’ but he knows that’s how it’s going to sound and he doesn’t want to make this more awkward.

“I wasn’t,” Nick says, less open and airy than before. 

“I- sorry,” Louis says, stepping into his Vans and frowning. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine,” Nick says, putting on a smile but it’s not the one he smiled at Louis only moments ago. It’s not real. It’s for show and Louis hates how it makes him feel deep down inside. “Thanks for the evening, yeah?” Nick tells him as Louis picks up his jumper, tugs it over his head and leaves the hood up.

“It was really good,” Louis says, wanting to save the evening but he doesn’t think he can. “I really… I mean it. I don’t think I’ve ever had… well. It was great, I mean,” he stammers out and slaps himself mentally because what? Nick hears it always, he’s sure. It’s not like it matters considering how much Nick does this. Louis isn’t special. Louis has to tell himself he isn’t special.

“I’m glad, love,” Nick says, nodding a little as he leans into the wall of the entry way. “That’s what matters,” he says and Louis wants to tell him that no, no that’s not what matters. Louis cares whether or not Nick had a good time. He cares. That’s all Louis cares about, all he wanted – to know he was making Nick feel good and if not, well. Louis’ greatest fear has always been failure.

“Okay I… I guess I’ll go,” he says, looking up at Nick once more. Earlier tonight he thought he might ask to kiss him goodbye but he knows better, now. “Thanks. Again,” he says, reaching for the door and pulling it open. Louis steps out and tugs his sunnies out from his jumper pocket, slips them on his face as he hurries out to his car parked a few houses down. 

He’s kissed Nick goodbye the last two times; Nick left him with a smile on his face and a metaphoric skip in his step and now all Louis wants to do is roll his car over Tower Bridge on his way home because he’s a failure even at paying a nice, gorgeous man to pretend to like him for a few hours. Money can’t buy everything.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Louis doesn’t email Daisy for an appointment with Nick for the next week.

Or the week after that.

Louis’ fairly certain it’s all been utterly ruined – not that they  _ had  _ anything to begin with, Louis knows it was just business, but he doesn’t want it to  _ feel  _ like just business and he is pretty certain that if he saw Nick again he’d probably not be given the boyfriend-experience treatment anymore because he’d gone and offended Nick pretty badly and it is what it is. Louis is what he is.

Louis supposes he’ll chalk it all up to experience, in the end. He’d taken a big risk in contacting Nick in the first place, and he’d had a really lovely few days over the last two weeks, but Louis supposes this is probably for the better. He could have been caught at any time and there’s enough stories about him in the rags – he certainly does not need an illegal gay prostitute scandal tied to his name on top of everything else that gets written about him. Enough people think he’s a drug addict and struggling with an alcohol problem and hosting orgies in his hotel room with him and multiple women. 

Louis thinks perhaps a one-man gay scandal wouldn’t be as awful, actually. Anyway.

Louis’ been moping around his house for the last week, avoiding going to the studio and seeing Liam and Niall because Liam will crack something out of him before Louis even sits down and Niall is too sunny to be brought down by Louis’ self-loathing.

He hasn’t replied to any of Harry’s texts, either, because for as much as he and Harry aren’t as close as they once were, Louis is still susceptible to Harry’s charms and particularly his worrying and Louis doesn’t need Harry working himself into a worried panic and hopping a red-eye to London to come to Louis’ rescue. That’s absolutely the last thing Louis needs in the world, mostly because Louis knows how easy it would be to fall into Harry’s arms and cry on his shoulder about how awful everything is and Louis definitely does not want that.

He can’t avoid the world forever, though, and tonight he’s got to put on clean clothes and a nice smile and turn up for an appearance he was already booked for weeks ago and can’t get out of. At least he’s got Calvin coming along, a friendly face in a crowd of people all vying for his attention. And Alberto too, to fend them all off. Louis tries to remember how lucky he is to have great friends and a great team to work with because it’s easier to put happy thoughts into the people he cares about than into himself. 

Perhaps he’ll get blindingly drunk and yell at some paps because he knows it’s inevitable that he’s going to be photographed a lot tonight and he’s already not in a good mood about the whole thing.

Louis gets ready anyway, heaving a sigh as he picks out slick black jeans and a white t-shirt, tugging his clothes on and spritzing cologne before he goes to the bathroom to deal with his hair. It’s getting long, again. Full and thick and in his face more often than not but he kind of likes it. He can’t control much about his life on most days but he can decide when or not to cut his hair and he’s going to milk that for all it’s worth.

The club is posh and he’s under-dressed but it’s one of the perks of being Louis Tomlinson, he supposes. He doesn’t have to dress up like a knob to get the VIP treatment and for that he’s grateful. Not that he has to do anything for VIP either – it’s part of his deal tonight and he’s getting paid to be here so whatever. The music isn’t too shit, the drinks are pretty good, and he’s got some familiar faces around him so Louis decides he ought to take it in stride and at least try to enjoy himself.

Louis’ knocked back his fourth shot of the night, chased by however many drinks – he’s not sure – when he feels the absolute desperation to piss. He’s been holding off for a while now, not wanting to break the seal, but it’s too much and his bladder is yelling about it.

Louis waves off Alberto who offers to come along, mumbles about being able to make it to the fucking loo on his own thank you very much, before he steps out of the VIP area and heads across the club – a little wobbly and intoxicated but he gets there eventually.

After a piss and a sad attempt at fixing his hair in the mirror, Louis heaves a sigh and turns to leave, hand gripping the door handle to pull just as it’s pushed in from the other side. He laughs his surprise at the near collision with the man on the other side before Louis lifts his gaze and oh,  _ oh.  _

“Nick,” Louis whispers, blue eyes widening in surprise at the shock of seeing Nick somewhere that wasn’t prearranged. He’s way too drunk for this.

“Oh, hello,” Nick says, charming as ever as Louis steps back into the bathroom and Nick steps in, letting the door close behind them. “Y’alright? Out with the lads?” He asks, casual and like there’s nothing between them.

There isn’t, Louis reminds himself. There isn’t anything between them other than a few business transactions and Louis catching weird feelings and fucking it all up by opening his big mouth and offending Nick and his business practices.

“Yeah, um,” Louis starts, watching as Nick moves to the mirror to fix his hair. “Just this thing,” Louis says with a shrug, eyes wandering up and down Nick’s body. He always looks so fucking good, so expensive, and Louis feels underdressed and under class, if he’s honest.

Louis can’t believe how uncomfortable he feels, acting as if Nick is just someone he knows in his regular life, like they’re acquaintances who happened to run into each other and need to catch up. It’s awkward pretending like he hasn’t paid this man for sex and, god,  _ missed  _ him, even.

“There you are,” a voice says where the loo door is pushed open again and there’s a man stepping in – older, mid-forties perhaps. “Was looking all over for you,” the man says as he steps over to slip an arm around Nick’s waist from behind, his lips pressing to the side of Nick’s neck and Nick smiles, leaning back into the embrace and Louis wants to puke. 

Nick is out with a client. Nick is working right now. This gross, washed up, salt-and-pepper haired, older dude with a pot-belly hanging over the belt of his trousers is Nick’s client and Louis wants to crawl into a hole and die right here and now. He’s never had to think about Nick with other men before, never had to be reminded of the reality that he was not Nick’s only client and that there are all kinds of men out there who are eager to have a stylish, gorgeous, charming man like Nick on their arm for events and appearances and… other things Louis doesn’t want to think about.

“Sorry, I should go,” Louis stammers out and he thinks he sees something akin to worry on Nick’s face but he doesn’t wait around to see any more before he tugs the door open and bolts, hurrying back out into the club to find his group and get Alberto to take him home because he can absolutely not stay here any longer knowing he might have to see even more than he did in that bathroom. All Louis can think about, can see replaying in his mind, is that guy touching Nick and Louis hates hates  _ hates  _ that he’s so utterly jealous but he  _ is.  _ He feels like an out of control monster right now and he supposes it’s a mixture of this and the alcohol that has him seething but it’s all he can do to insist to Alberto that he has to leave  _ now  _ before Alberto agrees and arranges the car to pick them up quickly before guiding Louis safely out into the night air. 

If Louis stumbles into his flat and slams the door as he opens a new email to Nick’s assistant he’ll blame it on the alcohol.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Louis has half a mind to believe Nick wouldn’t have agreed to an appointment with him but he’d gotten confirmation from Daisy that Nick would be to the hotel suite Louis had booked out at nine o’clock the next evening.

Louis hadn’t even packed a bag, just turned up, checked in, and gone up to the suite to wait.

He’s entirely sober now but not at all less angry and  _ jealous  _ over what he saw last night and if getting Nick over here to deal with Louis’ jealousy was going to help, then so be it.

Louis isn’t nervous. He’s not afraid, he’s not worried, and he’s not concerned about what Nick wants tonight, either. He’s pent up and ready to show off, show how fucking good he is, show Nick that he’s easily the prettiest, wealthiest,  _ best  _ client Nick has and Nick better not forget it.

Louis has no time to talk tonight, either. He’s booked an hour with Nick tonight because he knows he doesn’t need any more time to prove his point and he’s expecting Nick any moment. He’s laid the cash out on the hall table and is waiting for the knock, standing near the entry hall dressed in loose joggers and a t-shirt. He’s going to lose the clothes quickly anyway, there was no point in dressing up.

The knock comes exactly on time and Louis feels his adrenaline kick in, pumping through him. Louis wastes no time in stepping over to the door and pulling it open, eyes afire as he reaches to hook his fingertips into the belt loops at the front of Nick’s jeans, tugging him in. He doesn’t miss the surprise on Nick’s face as Louis shoves the door closed and pushes Nick back up against it.

“Don’t talk,” Louis growls as he pushes up against Nick to kiss him deeply, taking it hard and fast and not giving Nick much time to think. If Nick really isn’t into it Louis knows he’ll stop him but so far all Nick is doing is kissing him back and Louis takes that as a good sign. It’s hot, the way Nick keeps up with him easily, right in line as Nick’s hands slide down over Louis’ sides and around his hips, gripping him and pulling Louis in against his own body.

Louis moans a little, biting at Nick’s lip and stepping slightly, pulling Nick with him by his belt loops. It’s a bit of a task to keep kissing him like this – all teeth and tongue and lips and aggression – but Louis does his best to get to the bedroom with Nick. Nick groans into the kiss and Louis wants to smirk but he’s otherwise occupied and settles for sliding his hand down over Nick’s jeans instead, cupping his small hand over the growing bulge he finds there. 

“I want to suck you off so bad,” Louis moans, sucking at Nick’s lower lip before he sinks to his knees in the bedroom doorway. Louis looks up at Nick from his knees while his hands undo the button of Nick’s jeans and tug the zip down. “Do you want me to?” He asks, opening the front of Nick’s jeans and waiting for the go-ahead.

“God, Louis,” Nick groans as he leans up against the wall, nodding when his eyes meet Louis’. “Yes, fuck,” he breathes and Louis smirks this time, doesn’t hesitate in the way he hooks his fingers into the waist of Nick’s pants and tug them and Nick’s jeans down to his thighs instantly.

Louis curls his hand around Nick’s cock, giving him a few gentle strokes to coax him into full hardness before Louis leans in and closes his mouth around the head of Nick’s cock. He keeps his eyes open, keeps his gaze focused up at Nick the entire time. He has something to prove this time and settles his hands on Nick’s hips for balance, using only his mouth as he pushes down as far as he can manage until he nearly gags and has to pull back again.

Louis doesn’t care that his eyes brim with tears, either. He’s desperate to make Nick come and prove to Nick how good he can be. He fucked up but he can be good,  _ wants  _ to keep being good for him. Louis knows how fucked up it is that he’s so eager to please the prostitute he hired because he’s desperate for someone who’s not going to judge him or sell him out, but he can’t help it. He loves the satisfaction that comes with it all, and he finds it in the moans Nick lets out into the room as Louis pushes down on Nick’s cock again, takes Nick into the back of his throat before he begins to bob his head faster, sucking harder and putting his all into it.

Nick’s hand comes to the back of Louis’ head, fingers tangling into Louis’ hair. He doesn’t pull but it’s good enough and Louis moans around Nick’s cock in encouragement. He blinks up at Nick, blue eyes bleary with tears, and whimpers when he feels a tear spill over and roll down his cheek. Nick is quick to catch it with his thumb, stroking over Louis’ cheek and smirking a bit.

“There’s a love,” Nick coos to him and Louis would growl if his mouth weren’t otherwise occupied with Nick’s cock. He doesn’t want Nick to be nice to him. He doesn’t want gentle, pet names, or the fondness he’d grown so attached to. Tonight isn’t about that. Tonight is for Louis’ penance, for redeeming himself on Nick’s cock and making Nick see how good Louis is.

Nick groans, tipping his head back to the wall and breaking their eye contact. Louis moans around him, hands gripping Nick’s hips tightly as he moves. Louis feels hot, feels tacky where his t-shirt sticks to the sweat of his back. He’s hard in his joggers, no doubt getting pre-come all over the crotch of them, and thinking of the shame of wearing his soiled joggers home only serves to make his cock twitch and a shiver run down his spine. 

“Gonna come if you keep it up,” Nick says, looking back down at Louis and gently pressing his hips forward. Louis whimpers, pulling back to roll his tongue over the head of Nick’s cock, flick into his slit and along the ridge beneath the head.

“Can come in my mouth,” Louis says, voice wrecked as he rubs his lips over the head of Nick’s cock. “Or on my face,” Louis tells him, moaning a little as their eyes meet.

“Open up,” Nick tells him and Louis whimpers, settling down on his calves and tilting his head back a little. He does as Nick says, opens his mouth for Nick and sticks his tongue out a little to wait, practically begging like a dog for a treat.

Nick groans loudly as he curls a large hand around his cock and begins to stroke himself, quick tugs meant to bring him to orgasm quicker than anything else. He twists his hand over the head on each upstroke and Louis watches, whimpers, waiting like a good boy.

“Fuck, you’re something else,” Nick breathes, panting as he brings his free hand to Louis’ head, holding him back and pressing the head of his cock to Louis’ tongue as he starts to come, thick spurts against the roof of Louis’ mouth. He pulls back just enough to come over Louis’ lips and chin too and Louis moans as he watches Nick, waiting for permission to swallow. Nick swipes his thumb through his come on Louis’ lips, presses it into Louis’ mouth so he doesn’t miss any. 

Louis closes his lips around Nick’s thumb, sucks it clean and pulls back to open his mouth again, to show Nick that he’s good and still has a mouthful of Nick’s come.

“Oh my god, good boy,” Nick tells him and Louis cracks a small smirk before he swallows pointedly, licking his lips clean and sticking his tongue out again, showing off a clean mouth. “Fucking Christ, Louis,” Nick groans, still breathing a little heavy as Louis preens under his praise.

“Wanna be good for you,” Louis says, voice a little croaky with how wrecked his throat feels. He shudders a bit, so hard in his joggers and he wants to come but he wants to wait for Nick to tell him to more.

“You’re so good,” Nick says, looking down at Louis still on his knees as he shifts to pull his pants back up, zipping his jeans after as Louis sits there. “Are you going to come?” He asks, raising his eyebrows and Louis feels the heat blaze across his cheeks.

“If you want me to,” Louis tells him, eyes trained on Nick’s face while he sits. His thighs hurt from sitting like this for so long but he doesn’t want to move – not unless Nick wants him to.

“Take your clothes off,” Nick says, staying where he’s leaning against the wall. He watches, raises his eyebrows as Louis winces when he shifts, his muscles protesting.

Louis tugs his shirt over his head and lifts up onto his knees properly to push his joggers down over his arse, dick popping up to smack against his belly. Louis knees out of his joggers, tosses them aside before settling back to sitting on his calves, still on his knees for Nick.

He rests his hands on his thighs, making no move to touch himself even though he’s certain he’s never been harder in his entire life. 

“Look at you,” Nick says, running his eyes up and down Louis’ body, smirking down at him. “Touch yourself for me,” Nick tells him, biting at his lip as Louis moves to curl a hand around his erection.

Louis whimpers at his own touch, gasping out in surprise at how sensitive he is. He squeezes the head gently before sliding his hand down, making slow, even strokes along his erection. He knows he’s not going to last long, far too turned on and excited at the prospect of Nick telling him what to do.

“Like that, yeah,” Nick says from where he watches; looking down at Louis as Louis touches himself. “Slow for me, pretty,” Nick tells him and Louis listens, keeps his strokes long and slow, leisurely over his cock. He doesn’t look down, doesn’t watch his hand on his cock, just keeps his eyes trained on Nick’s face to see every smirk Nick offers him.

Louis shudders as he squeezes the base of his cock, lets out a slow breath to keep his composure even though he’s certain he won’t be able to maintain for much longer.

“You’re so hard,” Nick says, reaching out to stroke his fingertips along Louis’ cheekbone. “Looks painful, hm? You look so pretty like this, on your knees for me, being so good,” Nick tells him and Louis cannot help the whimper he lets out as he tilts his face into Nick’s touch a little more. 

He wants to come so bad. It hurts.

“Go a little faster, love. I know you’re so close, aren’t you?” Nick asks as he strokes over Louis’ cheek gently. “You’re so good. So pretty,” Nick coos to him and Louis gasps as he feels his orgasm impending. He doesn’t know how much longer he can hold off but he wants to wait until Nick tells him to come. 

“Please,” Louis nearly chokes out, blush dusting his cheeks as he keeps looking at Nick, feeling a lump in his throat at how desperate he feels.

“Okay, love,” Nick nods, smiling in that fond way Louis missed so much. “Come for me, let go, pretty,” he says and that’s it for Louis.

He cries out loudly as he comes, shooting hard over his stomach and hand, hips bucking into his own touch as he does. Louis can’t help the sob he lets out, the lump in his throat turning into tears that spill down his cheeks as he cries through his orgasm. Louis sniffles, whimpering as his hands hang at his sides, chin tucked to his chest. He’s never cried after an orgasm before and Louis feels both ashamed and relieved as he doesn’t hold it back, lets the little sobs shake through him.

“Oh my god, Louis,” Nick says, stroking his fingers through Louis’ hair and slipping down to his own knees. Louis thinks that if Nick pulls him into his arms he’ll cry harder and he prays it doesn’t happen, but he’s too exhausted to fight him off if he does.

Louis sniffles, feels his tears trickle over his sharp cheekbones and he doesn’t understand it but he can’t help it, either. He was so jealous, so angry last night, and Nick’s here now and Louis knows he was good, knows he did a good job making Nick feel good, and it’s just a lot.

“It’s okay, love,” Nick says, bringing his fingertips to Louis’ chin, tilting Louis’ head up to force Louis to look at him. “Okay? You’re so good,” Nick tells him, leans in to press a kiss to Louis’ cheek and Louis nods, swallows thickly. He doesn’t feel like he can talk, yet.

“Oh sweetheart,” Nick coos and it’s so gentle, so fond. He’s never called Louis that before and Louis can’t help the way his heart lurches in his chest. “You’re alright. You did so good for me. You’re so pretty, so lovely. Did that feel good?” He asks Louis, and Louis takes a moment to think about what Nick’s saying, processing his words in his post-orgasm emotional fog.

“Yes,” he finally whispers, nodding a bit as he looks up at Nick. He’s embarrassed but doesn’t really feel bad about it, considering how nice Nick is being to him. “I’m sorry,” Louis says, lowering his eyes again.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Nick says, then presses a kiss to Louis’ nose and cups his cheek. “That was perfect, you’re so good,” Nick tells him and Louis feels a little calmer, a little more grounded.

“Thank you,” Louis says quietly, swallowing thickly and taking in a slow breath to try to calm down further. He feels a little out of it but supposes it’s just a mixture of the orgasm and his now-sated jealousy bleeding into something else – maybe need. He feels like he needs Nick and it’s a lot, right now.

“You should get in bed,” Nick says, leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to Louis’ lips and Louis feels like he could cry, again. Nick’s never kissed him without Louis asking for it.

“Okay,” Louis says softly, feeling like all he can do is take instructions right now. “My legs hurt,” he tells Nick, frowning at the way his thighs protest his movements from being sat in this position for so long.

“Let me help,” Nick says as he moves to stand, helps Louis shakily to his feet. Louis thighs burn and he groans a little at how red his knees are. Carpet burn. Fuck. “Come on now,” Nick says, one hand at Louis’ shoulder, the other at his waist. “Sleep. You look exhausted.”

Louis is, and he hadn’t planned on staying here tonight. He’d planned on only using the room for the hour he had with Nick and then going home but Louis knows he can’t drive like this. He feels like he could sleep for a thousand hours. Maybe he will.

Nick tugs the blankets of the bed down, helps Louis spill into the bed where he curls up as Nick bloody tucks him in. He’s a mess.

“Go to sleep,” Nick tells him, stroking through Louis’ hair and leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek. “You’ll feel better when you wake up,” he says before pulling back from the bed. 

Louis wakes in the morning, alone and achy and feeling the dryness in his skin from his tears.

He rolls over to stretch, but frowns when he sees a piece of the hotel stationary propped up on the night stand. Louis stretches to reach for it and gasps as he reads over the handwriting he doesn’t recognize.

_ Wish I could have stayed.  _ _  
_ _ -N _

_ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ _

Louis’ in America the next time he lets himself think about Nick. He’d decidedly panicked after that morning when he woke up to Nick’s note and fled home and threw himself into work. It’s too much. It’s been too much. He knows this isn’t good, isn’t healthy, and yet he can’t help himself.

That’s what insanity is, isn’t it? Doing the same thing and yet expecting, hoping for a different outcome.

Maybe love is a bit like insanity.

Maybe he won’t let himself think about it.

He’s fresh off an appearance on James Corden’s new American show where he’d been subjected to a round of teasing about his club scene appearances as of late now that he’s a single lad.

No one really knows, though, do they? If he gets drunk he doesn’t have to think about how fucked up he is over Nick, and if he doesn’t have to think about how fucked up he is then he doesn’t have to feel how much it hurts.

It hurts.

It  _ hurts.  _

He hates himself a little as he unlocks his phone, taps open his photo app and swipes through to the fucking photo he saved off of Nick’s webpage – a selfie, not one of the professional shots. Louis stares at Nick’s gorgeous face, takes in the shape of his eyes and the length of his eyelashes and the perfect distinction of his lips, the anchor tattooed against the side of Nick’s wrist, and he sighs where he sits stretched out on one of Harry’s poolside loungers.

It’s hard to imagine feeling melancholy while soaking up the California sunshine, poolside, with a weird fruity something-or-other Harry’s concocted in a glass with a tiny umbrella in it next to him, but here he is.

Louis pushes himself up to bring his drink inside and perhaps mope for a bit in the guest room he’s claimed as his own. He’s exhausted. He’s got a month, give or take, until the American tour starts up and tons of appearances until then and Louis doesn’t know how he’s possibly going to do it. He’s so tired.

Louis knows he’s fucked up, is the thing. He knows this is the absolute wrong way to be going about anything - that torturing himself with the constant thinking about Nick isn’t helping. He knows that seeing Nick is only going to make it worse, only going to make him hurt more because he can’t have Nick, not really, and that makes something mean and ugly flare up inside of him. 

He’s good at playing pretend, at least, and maybe if he gets to pretend with Nick once more, tells himself it’s the last time, maybe then he’ll be able to move on with his life.

It would be so easy to speak to a few of his connections in Los Angeles to find someone discreet and used to celebrity clientele; someone who would keep his mouth shut and be polite and give Louis the physical experience he craves but… he wouldn’t be Nick, and Louis wants more than just touch.

Louis hauls his laptop into his lap once he settles in his bed, frowns to himself as he reviews the international rates on Nick’s page. Part of him can’t believe he’s doing this, and another part of him can’t be arsed to care because he’s got too much money and not enough common sense and he’s impulsive as he fires off an email to Daisy regarding a few days’ visit for Nick to come to LA.

He’s definitely insane.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Louis knows he’s spent entirely too much money on this trip. Nick’s international travel rates are affordable, but the cost of two hotel suites at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills are certainly adding up. He’s not going to let himself worry about it. 

Instead, he arranges for Nick to meet him at Louis’ own suite. He still feels weird about infringing upon Nick’s space – even if that space is being paid for by Louis’ own credit card. Whatever.

It’s late afternoon the day after Nick had arrived to Los Angeles and Louis’ anticipating his arrival any moment. He knows they need to talk about this whole thing that’s been going on. He knows they need to hash out just what, exactly, both of them are getting out of this and wanting to get out of it.

It’s easier to throw money around and ignore it, though.

On time, there’s a knock at the door and Louis hurries to answer it. It’s been weeks since he’s seen Nick and as much as part of him is terrified, equal parts of him are eager. Louis pulls the door open, eyes looking up to meet Nick’s and  _ oh,  _ he’s so beautiful.

“Hi,” Louis says, breathless as he steps back to let Nick inside. Nick goes easily, dressed sharp in tight jeans and a white t-shirt. Casual. Louis likes it. “Did you travel alright? How was the night?” He asks, knowing Nick had had yesterday to himself to adjust to jetlag and the like.

“I’m good, thanks,” Nick says, toes off his boots and looks back at Louis. Louis doesn’t miss the way Nick’s eyes look him up and down, and he smirks a bit, cocking his hip just a little. He knows Nick is at least attracted to him physically, even if that’s as far as it goes for Nick.

“Is your suite okay?” Louis asks him, feeling a little awkward about it. Perhaps it’s too showy. He just wanted Nick to have his own space to go to while he’s here. He hopes it’s not too much.

“Beautiful, love,” Nick tells him. He leans in to press a kiss to Louis’ cheekbone, gentle and everything Louis missed. “You should tell me about what you’ve been up to,” Nick says. He’s gentle in the way he takes Louis’ hand in his own, pulls Louis with him to occupy the lush sofa in Louis’ sitting room.

Louis folds himself up in the corner, knees up to his chest as Nick settles too. 

“Just work,” Louis says, small and soft, but he reaches out to tangle their fingers together. He’s allowed. He knows Nick doesn’t mind. “Are you sure it’s okay that you stay a few days?” He asks, nervous that he’s asking too much.

“Louis,” Nick says, shaking his head a little. “I wouldn’t have agreed to it if it wasn’t. I can make my own decisions,” he says, but it sounds fond and not at all condescending. He squeezes Louis’ fingers and it feels like reassurance. 

“Okay,” Louis says, nods gently and lowers his eyes for a moment. It feels precious, whatever this is between them. It feels fragile and on the brink of disaster, though Louis’ not sure what else could be as disastrous as much of their time together already has been. 

“You look tired,” Nick tells him and it should be a bit offensive but Louis knows it’s the truth. He is tired. He’s been tired for what feels like weeks. Maybe years. His eyes are puffy and he feels ragged. He could do with a shower, probably. “Do you want to sleep?” Nick asks quietly. 

“Is this a ploy to get a nap of your own?” Louis asks as he finds it in himself to tease. He knows the jetlag from home to Los Angeles is a nightmare.

Nick laughs, bright and open and Louis’ chest loosens a bit. He loves that sound.

“Might be,” Nick says, all cheek and smirks as he plays with Louis’ fingers in his own. “We’ve got a week in Los Angeles, it’s all the time in the world. I think you can afford to get a nap in with me,” Nick tells him and Louis cracks a smile. They’ve never done that; slept together. Not in the literal sense. 

He’s nervous.

“Okay,” Louis says, nodding just a bit and unfolding himself from where he’s all curled up.

Once they’ve both stripped their jeans Louis settles into the soft bed, curls up on his side facing Nick who looks back at him. Sleeping together is perhaps the most intimate thing they’ve ever done and Louis can’t help the little skip of his heart in his chest because Nick is so lovely and Louis is so fragile in this strange balance between them. 

“Thanks for coming,” Louis says quietly. He knows Nick could have said no, and he also knows Nick is mostly only here because he’s being compensated, but it’s nice to see him again. Louis knows he’s in for more trouble than he can handle, what with the way his tummy flip-flops each time Nick smiles at him, but it’s hard to make himself quit. Louis doesn’t know how he’s going to let Nick go home at the end of the week. It scares him how afraid he is that he’s already dreading Nick leaving in a week.

“Happy to be here, love,” Nick tells him as he settles into the bed as well. His foot gently brushes against Louis’ and Louis doesn’t know if it’s on purpose or an accident but it’s nice either way. Louis shifts a little closer, tangles their legs together properly and figures Nick will protest if he objects.

He doesn’t.

Louis closes his eyes and lets himself drift off to sleep, but not before he feels Nick’s arm drape around his waist.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Louis wakes up what might be hours later, still tucked under Nick’s arm and nuzzled in close to the soft cotton of Nick’s white t-shirt, the material tickling at the tip of Louis’ nose. He can’t recall the last time someone held him while he slept.

Louis plucks up the courage to shift gently and let his fingertips skip gingerly over Nick’s side before dipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt to rest tentatively on the soft, warm skin of Nick’s hip.  He lets himself have this, lets himself pretend for a moment that what he wants  deep down inside is real and not because of his transfer of funds. It's nice to pretend, if just for a little while.

"What time is it?" Nick murmurs from above Louis' head and Louis startles gently and eases his hand back, unaware Nick had been awake.

"Dunno," Louis whispers, mouth dry with afternoon sleep. "Just woke up," Louis said quietly, pulling back enough to look at Nick's face. He's got freckles, so many freckles, dotted over the bridge of his nose and high on his cheekbones and they're so lovely; Louis would quite like to kiss each and every one of them. If it took him hours, so be it.

"You alright?" Nick asks and Louis watches him blink his eyes open slowly, watches Nick's eyes focus on Louis' face as he wakes properly. Louis pulls his lower lip into his mouth, nods gently as he looks back at Nick. He knows he shouldn't be doing this; knows his heart is already in too deep and this can only end messier than it is now.

Louis lets go of his lip and offers a small, warm smile to Nick before he lifts his chin - just barely, but enough to have intent - enough to ask silently for the thing he's wanted most since Nick arrived.

He's certain he might burst with fireworks in his heart at the way Nick doesn't hesitate, just presses closer to Louis and touches his lips softly, gently to Louis' own in the sweetest of innocent kisses. Louis kisses Nick back softly, shifts closer to bring his hand up between them and cup the side of Nick's neck, thumb framing alongside Nick's sharp jawline. It's a moment before he breaks the kiss to lay his head back down properly on the pillow and just look at Nick.

"Thanks," Louis says softly and he can feel the flush dusting over his cheeks already. Nick does things to him, things he has no good right to do because they don't have any sort of relationship other than the one created by the exchange of money but Louis doesn't want to think about the way that it's hard to imagine that Nick might not have some kind of small feelings in return for Louis.

Louis’ tried to chalk it up to nothing but Nick’s bedside manner, if you will, and to accept that Nick only treats Louis the way he does because he’s paid to, but Louis is fairly certain there’s more to it than that at this point.

Nick is far too kind, too tender, too loving with him for it to be nothing.

Louis doesn’t know what the protocol is for telling a hired prostitute he’s in love with him is.

"Nick," Louis says, breathless for a moment in the way his heart catches in his throat.

"Hi, love," Nick tells him and Louis’ hand trembles only barely as he slips it away from Nick's neck. He doesn’t know if Nick calls his other clients ‘love’ and he’d rather not know, so he can pretend it’s just him. "Everything alright?" Nick prompts, soft and gentle, cautious in a way that isn't nerve-wracking but instead feels encouraging. Louis shrugs a shoulder gently, ducking his gaze for a moment.

"Can I say that I missed you and have it not be weird?" Louis asks, quiet, eyes trained on the bit of chest hair peeking out from the collar of Nick's shirt. "I don't know what I can say or not," Louis admits as he pulls his lip between his teeth again to nibble.

"Can say whatever you like," Nick tells him, fingertips running gently up and down between Louis' shoulderblades.

"Can I, though?" Louis asks, pulling back again to lift his gaze to meet Nick's. "I think we both know that there's things I want to say but definitely shouldn't be saying. Or feeling."

Nick frowns across from him and moves his hand to pick Louis’ up, where he tangles their fingers together and settles their hands between them. Nick’s thumb rubs gently back and forth across the back of Louis’ hand and it’s nice, and it hurts at the same time; hurts deep down inside Louis’ chest.

“I know these last few weeks have been quite messy,” Nick says and Louis scoffs. An understatement. They’ve communicated mostly only with sex and hardly ever with words and Louis doesn’t know how to clean up the mess he’s created. “I’m sorry, I know. I just. As difficult as it is for you it’s the same for me,” Nick tells him which makes Louis frown and look up at Nick, confusion mapped out over his features.

“Doubtful,” Louis says, shaking his head gently. He’s embarrassed. Nick’s probably had clients develop feelings for him in the past; this is probably not anything new to Nick and Louis is embarrassed that he feels like he does and Nick has to let him down easy.

Nick only holds his hand tighter.

“Louis,” Nick starts, letting out a soft sigh. “You’ve got to know how lovely you are. How wonderful. This is really unlike anything else I’ve ever done - you and me, I mean. I’ve never had this happen with,” Louis knows he means to say ‘with a client’ but catches himself short instead.

“I’ve never had this happen either,” Louis says, pulling his hand away and feeling a bit stroppy about it. He’s never done any of this. He’s never had the chance to. He’d been eighteen having gone to a few clubs in Manchester because he’d never go out in Donny on the pull, never risk anyone spotting him. He’d been all of eighteen years old and snogged a few blokes on dancefloors and gone home with one for the night before being thrust into the spotlight and also the closet. Louis’ never had the chance to feel what it’d be like to love a man like this. He didn’t get a chance at being eighteen and shy and holding hands with a boy in the dark of the cinema. He doesn’t know the first thing about love except that the thought of seeing Nick makes his stomach flip-flop after they’ve been apart.

“I’m going to be blunt and you probably aren’t going to like it,” Nick warns him as he shifts a bit on the bed in order to open himself to Louis completely. “I know what’s going on. I know how you feel, how I feel… how could I not? I know what this is and I need you to know that this between us doesn’t change who I am or what I do. I don’t know what the rest is going to be – what you want, but I am who I am and I do what I do and I don’t intend to give up my lifestyle any time soon,” Nick says, forward and to the point and Louis thinks he knew that. He wouldn’t have expected any different, honestly.

His jealousy, though… that’s something he’s going to need to work on.

“I know that,” Louis snaps, fire in his eyes as he looks up at Nick. “I fucking know that. What the fuck? I never asked you for anything,” Louis tells him, untangling himself from the Nick and rolling over onto his back. He glares up at the ceiling as if that may help him sort out his feelings instead.

Louis pouts a bit, chews at his lip before turning to look at Nick again. He looks infuriatingly calm and Louis hates that.

“I’m telling you ahead of time so it doesn’t come to that,” Nick says, calm and straightforward. Louis hates it.

“Ahead of time of what?” Louis asks. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands and struggles between crossing his arms over his chest and stuffing his hands underneath his bum to keep from fidgeting.

“Whatever this might be,” Nick says, shrugging gently. “I don’t think this is a strictly business relationship anymore and I don’t think I want it to be, either,” he explains, relaxing into the pillows a bit more. Louis wishes he had even a fraction of the calm Nick seems to possess. Louis is all spitfire and energy when he’s worked up.

“So what are you saying?” Louis asks. This is not how he imagined this day going in the slightest. He’d imagined curling up on the sofa later, after dinner and some wine, and spilling his feelings, confessing the pitter-pattering of his heart when he thinks about Nick, and how badly he wants to have Nick spend the night so Louis can curl up in Nick’s arms and forget the world exists. He wanted to be in control and now he feels anything but.

“I’m saying I can’t see you as a client anymore,” Nick tells him, bold and blunt in a way that has Louis frozen in his spot. “I’m saying if we’re going to continue to see each other it’s because we both want to, and not because there’s money involved.”

“I’ve paid you for this entire week,” Louis says, narrowing his eyes and frowning. It’s not the money he’s worried about, but the implication behind it. Nick’s only here  _ because  _ of Louis’ money. Nick isn’t Louis’ boyfriend who flew out for a week in Los Angeles to spend time together before Louis’ busy life picks up once more. Nick is here, in this bed right now, because Louis put five-figures worth of cash into Nick’s super stealthy private work bank account for Nick’s time and travel rates.

“I know you have,” Nick says, a pillar of calm and rationality. Louis wonders how many times Nick’s other clients have confessed feelings to him. He wonders if Nick has ever said something like this to them. He hates that he wonders if this is Nick’s polite way of ending their business relationship now to make up for the fact that once this week is over Nick won’t see Louis ever again - will run from Louis’ crazy feelings and warn all his other working men friends to have their assistants screen for the crazy closeted boybander desperate to latch onto any man who will indulge him. 

“Then just go, then,” Louis spits, hurt and embarrassed for his naivete. “I’ve wasted your time and my money so just. Go,” Louis says, closing his eyes to the ceiling and swallowing thickly. He’s a stupid, stupid boy.

“Louis,” Nick says and Louis feels Nick’s fingertips curl around his bicep. He wants to pull away out of spite but he can’t make himself out of the desire to feel Nick’s hands on him. “I need you to hear me. Look at me,” Nick tells him, voice firmer than it has any right to be. Louis’ embarrassed that he needs this - that he’s so emotionally overloaded he needs Nick to take control and tell him what to do like this. He bucks up the courage from somewhere and opens his eyes, turns his gaze to Nick’s face.

Nick is so beautiful it hurts Louis somewhere deep down inside. He’s got the prettiest, wide green eyes and long eyelashes and beautiful laugh lines and Louis hates, hates, hates how much he wants Nick for his own.

“I want to be here,” Nick tells him finally. “I came because I wanted to see you. After last time I… I didn’t know if you’d ever reach out again and then you did and I was on a flight the next day. I’d wondered if we were going to have this talk and now we are and…” he pauses, and Louis wants to hit him. The air feels like a livewire between them. “I want to see you, but I want it to be real. Because we want to see each other, not because we have a business agreement. I’m going to have Daisy sort out the finances here and I don’t want to discuss money anymore. I want to enjoy a week in Los Angeles with you, if you want that still.”

Louis stares back at Nick as he tries to process this in his mind. It’s like Nick is offering Louis everything he wants on a silver platter and Louis can’t imagine he could ever be so lucky. His eyebrows knit together in a small frown as he pieces together Nick’s words and lets it sink in. He doesn’t much care about the money. Twenty-two thousand dollars for the week is less money than he’s paid for a fucking watch that he’s never worn. He both loves and hates the fact that that hardly seems like a lot of money to him these days. 

“Do you remember that time we showered together?” Louis asks, the frown easing itself off his face. “You gave me a shampoo mohawk and I pretended it was all real, like you were really going to rinse off with me and we’d get into bed together and go to sleep like you were my… well,” Louis stops himself, frown threatening to come back. “I wanted it to be real.”

“I remember,” Nick tells him and Louis watches as Nick tentatively reaches up to push Louis’ fringe back from his eyes, cards his long fingers through Louis’ hair. “I pretended a little bit, too,” Nick says quietly, smiles softly in a way that doesn’t quite reach his eyes but Louis can tell is genuine none the less.

“Do you think I’m fucked up?” Louis asks quietly, shifts a bit to turn back onto his side to face Nick properly again as they lay in the bed. He tucks his hands up under his pillow and watches Nick for an answer. Louis thinks he’s fucked up. Louis hates himself for being put in this situation of hiding and shame, hates himself for needing the things he does.

“I think you’re a bit sad,” Nick says, gentle like the fingertips he’s trailing down Louis’ temple and along his high cheekbone. “And anyone would be if they had to be who you are, sometimes.”

Louis swallows the lump in his throat. He has so much to be grateful for. He’s living the dream he’s always wanted with his three best friends in the whole world. He can take care of his family and make so many people feel special when they need it. He’s never going to have to worry about money, or success, or anything ever again but Nick’s right. He is sad, and he feels like he hasn’t got any right to be.

“I want to go back to sleep,” Louis says in lieu of talking about whatever it is that’s going on between them any longer. It’s too much for him right now and everything feels muddled in his mind. “You can go, if you want,” he tells Nick quietly. 

“I’ll let you rest,” Nick tells him. “I’ll go to my room for a bit. Maybe get a massage. That intercontinental travel doesn’t do anyone any good,” he says and Louis appreciates the effort to lighten the mood. “Call me, or come see me when you’re feeling up to it,” Nick says. He shifts closer to press a kiss to the corner of Louis’ lips before he pulls away again to get out of the bed.

Louis nods gently, watches Nick pull his jeans back on, watches his long beautiful fingers do the button, before he lifts his eyes back to Nick’s own.

“Thanks,” he says quietly, already feeling sleep taking him back. It’s been too many emotions to deal with this afternoon and he needs time to process it all.

Nick squeezes Louis’ ankle beneath the sheets before he excuses himself from the bedroom to head out into the suite. Louis hears the door click shut quietly before sleep pulls him under.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Louis wakes from his second nap of the day it’s to grogginess and dry mouth and no refreshment at all. He feels worse, if anything, head aching and warm beneath the covers. He reaches to the night table to check his phone - a few missed texts from his mum but not much else - and then rolls himself out of the bed to go clean his teeth. Sleeping-all-day breath is doing him no favours.

Louis stares at himself in the mirror as he brushes his teeth, ponders the implications of what he and Nick talked about earlier. It’s too complex to try to make sense of, he thinks, and yet every piece of him is drawn to Nick no matter what. Louis wants Nick - has wanted him for much longer than he’s had any business doing - and has been unable to put a cap on it thus far. He doesn’t know how he ever possibly could. Nick is everything Louis wants, no matter how unconventional their meeting.

He spits and rinses, splashes some cool water on his face in a lacklustre attempt to freshen up. Louis’ inclined to think that this is as good as it’s going to get. Nick’s seen him at his very weakest, his absolute most vulnerable, and Nick still came all the way out to Los Angeles to be with him anyway. Maybe that means something. Maybe the money was just a perk and Louis himself was the reward. Maybe.

Louis makes his way back to the bedroom and decides he can at least change his shirt. He smells like sleep and hotel bed and it’s not the most attractive. He wiggles out of his t-shirt and tugs a clean, soft grey one over his head before he makes sure he has his room key and phone in hand, then makes his way to the door of his suite and out into the hallway. Nick is two floors below and Louis slips down easily before finding himself at Nick’s door, knuckles rapping gently against it and awaiting Nick’s answer.

When the door is pulled open and Louis’ faced with Nick’s smile he feels a little bit wobbly in his knees for a moment. Nick is far too lovely for his own good and Louis can’t help but to take a moment just to look at him. He’s changed clothes since Louis last saw him a few hours; he’s dressed in soft joggers now and a different black t-shirt.

“Hey, love, come in,” Nick says, steps back to invite Louis into the suite. It’s similar to his own, except on the opposite side of the building. Nick’s balcony view is unfortunately not as nice as Louis’ but he hopes Nick doesn’t mind. 

“Are you sure?” Louis asks, though steps inside and lets Nick close the door behind him. He’d felt awkward the only time he’d gone to Nick’s place for an in-call - like he was invading - and he feels much the same now. He’d booked Nick’s suite so he’d have his own space and Louis hates the feeling of intruding, like he’s only been invited because of an obligation.

“Course,” Nick says, leans in to touch his lips softly to the highest arch of Louis’ cheekbone. “How did you sleep?” Nick asks as he leads Louis into the suite. In the last few hours he’s had room service delivered and goes about switching the kettle on to make tea. Louis follows, slips himself onto one of the bar stools at the breakfast nook across the countertop from where Nick is getting tea ready.

“Slept okay,” Louis says. He sets his phone and room key on the countertop and nudges them aside before he rests his chin in his hand. “Woke up feeling shit though,” he frowns, dropping his gaze for a moment. There’s far too much on his mind and he doesn’t quite know how to deal with any of it.

Louis watches as Nick pours the hot water into each cup, watches Nick add just the right amount of milk to Louis’ own. That he remembered makes Louis’ tummy do strange things.

“Gonna tell me about it?” Nick asks, slides Louis’ cup over to him. He leans against the counter across from Louis as he picks up his own teacup and holds it in his hands to blow gently at the hot tea.

Louis looks down at his milky tea, chews his lip a little bit as he thinks about what he’s going to say. His head is such a mess and he doesn’t quite know how to sort it out.

“What did you mean when you said you didn’t want to see me any more?” Louis asks, quiet, eyes still locked on his tea. It hurts to ask, but Louis can’t help the masochist inside of him. “You came all the way to Los Angeles to tell me? Why didn’t you just decline this trip? What was the point? To embarrass me?” He asks, and Louis hates the flush he can feel creeping up between his shoulders and the back of his neck, hates how vulnerable it feels to be embarrassed like this. This isn’t the good kind of embarrassment he’s felt before - the kind he felt when he was vulnerable and on his knees and crying at Nick’s feet.

“I said I didn’t want to see you as a client anymore,” Nick says, sets his teacup down with a soft  _ clink  _ and standing a little taller. “Not that I didn’t want to see you at all,” Nick pauses and sighs softly. Louis wishes sometimes that he could read minds, but perhaps it’s best that he can’t if Nick is thinking things about how pathetic Louis is.

“So, what?” Louis asks, finds it in himself to lift his head and meet Nick’s gaze. Nick’s eyes are warm, soft, looking upon Louis like he’s something precious and Louis hates the way he wants to squirm.

“I care for you. I know we’re in a rather precarious position here and perhaps we should have had better boundaries earlier on but we’re where we are now and I don’t fancy giving up something that makes me happy. God, Louis, when Daisy had said you wanted to fly me out for the week I’d said yes in my head before she even discussed pricing negotiations and that’s when I realized that this is far more than I ever meant it to be,” Nick says, sighing, deflating a little as he rests his hip against the countertop.

Louis can’t bring himself to have a drink of his tea no matter how dry his mouth feels. He’s terrified of this precipice but everything inside of him says to leap. “So what does this mean for… for us?” Louis asks him, shifting in his seat as he looks across at Nick.

“It means I won’t see you for appointments anymore, and you won’t be paying me for any time we spend together. If you want to spend time together after this,” Nick tells him. He leans down, rests his elbows on the countertop and looks at Louis eye-level. “It means I’d quite like to continue seeing you because I like you and want to spend time together, but I want it to be because we like each other, and not because you think you have to pay me for it,” Nick explains as he offers a smile. Louis watches him, watches how earnest he is and wishes he could be that sure of his own self. 

He cares for Nick. He knows he does, and knows that he wants Nick in any way he can have him. Until recently he’d believed it was only possible with his money and the idea that Nick wants to just be with him for the sake of being together does peculiar things to his heart.

“I don’t know what I’m allowed to want,” Louis says quietly. He’s not had much of an opportunity to have a proper relationship with anyone in years, had a few on-and-off flings with boys he knew could be discreet, but this is by far the most unconventional potential relationship he’s ever engaged in.

“I told you a bit earlier,” Nick says. He pushes himself up from the counter and slips around to come to Louis’ side. “Come sit in bed with me and talk. It’s more comfortable in there,” Nick tells him, holds his hand out for Louis to take. Louis does, slips his small hand into Nick’s much larger one and allows himself to be lead through the suite to the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable,” Nick says as he climbs into the bed.

It’s so similar to only a few hours ago and Louis can’t help the way he’s reeling a bit at all of this as he climbs up onto the bed, hating it only a little bit that he really does have to climb. He settles himself back against the headboard like Nick has, stretches his legs out, hands resting together in his lap.

“I can’t do lots of things that you could be doing with any other boys,” Louis says quietly. That alone was what lead him to Nick in the first place - the desperation to get to connect with a man in a way that would satisfy his needs in a situation where he couldn’t do it naturally.

“I know that,” Nick says quietly. “I know you can’t. I know it hurts you, too,” he says and Louis can’t help but to give a small nod. It does.  “But we can do lots of the same things we already do, and lots of things we haven’t, yet. In some ways it might be better, don’t you think? I know what you’re dealing with. I’d like to think you can trust me with discretion by now,” Nick says, and Louis nods again. Nick has been nothing but discreet, trustworthy, and Louis’ never felt like Nick would ever sell their stories to the papers. He’s not afraid of Nick turning on him.

“So are we, what? Dating?” Louis asks, a scoff in his voice because he doesn’t know what to make of this. It’s a mess, these feelings of his. Nick’s gentle laugh makes him want to curl up under the covers and disappear.

“We can call it whatever you’d like,” Nick tells him, bumps his elbow gently against Louis’. “I want to spend time with you, kiss you... sleep with you…” Nick trails and Louis can’t help but break a smile.

“Cheeky,” he says, bumping his elbow back against Nick’s own. “But that might be nice,” Louis tells him, soft and small and shy in a way he only ever is around Nick.

“Louis, there’s no pressure,” Nick says, deliberate as he moves to pick Louis’ small hand up in his own and lace their fingers together. “I have to be honest, okay? I do what I do and I am not going to stop working, not right now, because I might be seeing you on a more serious level. It’s not about anything other than my job is my job and it’s what I do right now and I need to put that out there. It’s no different than the last couple of months have been, really. But I need you to know this, okay? If you can be okay with this then we might have a real chance, here,” Nick explains and Louis takes a moment or two to take it all in. 

He had been so, so jealous the night he’d seen Nick out with someone else. It had ignited a near rage inside of him that he’d been desperate to work out by proving to Nick that he was the very best Nick would ever have. To think about dealing with that level of jealousy if he and Nick see each other on a real level feels like too much to deal with right now.

“I can’t promise you anything,” Louis says finally as he turns his gaze to Nick’s. “I want to see you still. I want to be with you, but I don’t know how I’m going to feel about it if we’re more than just business,” he admits. Louis’ spent a lot of time in his life being dishonest and denying himself his own reality and perhaps he’s turning a new leaf of honesty. Perhaps Nick helps bring it out of him.

“I expect as much,” Nick says, squeezes Louis’ hand gently. “Listen. I don’t prefer to discuss my business in my personal relationships as it is. I go to work, you go to work, and what we do when we’re together doesn’t have to be affected by any of that. It’s worth a try, love, isn’t it?” Nick asks him and Louis can’t help the way his heart thumps in his chest. 

“Yes,” he whispers, nodding gently because it  _ is.  _ Nick is the only person, the first in a long, long time to make Louis feel things as deeply as he does. He wants to wrap himself up in Nick’s warmth, wants to hide away from all the bad things in his head with Nick there to help him through it. “It is,” Louis says, in case Nick missed it the first time. 

Nick doesn’t hesitate in leaning in to press a kiss to Louis’ lips and Louis can’t help the way he crumbles into it, reaches his free hand up to cup Nick’s sharp jaw and pull him into the kiss. This is all he’s wanted, all he’s needed, and he can work out the rest as it comes to him.

He kisses Nick deeper, pulls Nick into him as he shifts his way down into the pillows and tugs Nick half over him. Louis can’t help the way he loves to feel caged in by Nick; to feel small and safe and close to Nick like this as they kiss. It’s everything he’s wanted since he’d heard Nick had landed in Los Angeles. 

“God, Louis,” Nick says against his lips, breaths coming a little faster as he breaks the kiss to smile instead. “Have you any idea how crazy you make me?” He asks and Louis can’t help but grin back at him.

“Tell me,” Louis says as Nick’s hand slides down his chest, touches his body smoothly and comes to curl around Louis’ hip. 

“Now who’s cheeky,” Nick grins as he digs his fingers into the ticklish spot at the dip of Louis’ hip. Louis yelps, laughs brightly toward the ceiling as he squirms under Nick’s offending tickles. “God, you are lovely when you smile like that,” Nick tells him and Louis’ heart  _ thumpthumps  _ in his chest.

“Will you fuck me?” Louis asks, small, shy, but sure as he looks up at Nick above him. “Please? I’ve missed you,” he says, knows a blush is dusting over his cheekbones.

Nick kisses him in response, deep and full and bruising in a way that tells Louis everything he needs to hear.

They’ve only done this the one time before, at Nick’s, and it was spur of the moment and good - some of the best sex Louis’ ever had - but this is deliberate and it’s different this time. Louis can feel the difference. The air between them is full of relief, the tension bleeding out of them as they settle into each other once again. Louis hasn’t let himself have much nice sex in his life but Nick makes him want it.

“Be right back,” Nick says when he pulls away again, pushes himself up to get off the bed and collect what they’ll need. Louis busies himself in pulling his t-shirt over his head and dropping it to the floor, lifts his hips to wiggle out of his joggers and leave himself in his pants, stretched out in the bed for Nick to come back to.

Nick stops in the doorway of the en suite bathroom, eyes roaming over Louis’ near-naked form on the bed. Louis burns under his gaze and feels himself getting hard, doesn’t let himself touch because he wants Nick to have Louis all to himself.

“What are you waiting for?” Louis asks, biting at his lip as Nick pushes his shoulder from the doorway and comes back to the bed, sets a condom and lubricant down on the mattress next to Louis.

“Just looking,” Nick says. He pulls his own shirt over his head, gets out of his joggers and knees up onto the bed to lean over and kiss Louis once more. 

“Don’t make me wait,” Louis whispers into the kiss, arches his hips up to grind his cock against Nick’s stomach. “Waited long enough,” he says, bites at Nick’s lip gently.

It must get to Nick because Louis revels in the way Nick’s breath hitches and he grinds his hips down against Louis. Louis can feel how hard he is and his mouth waters at the thought of Nick’s big, perfect dick inside of him again.

He lifts his hips for Nick to tug his pants down, lets Nick get them both naked and settle between Louis’ spread thighs and watches as Nick reaches for the lubricant. Louis bites at his lip as Nick’s slick fingers reach down and press against his hole. He wants this and he loves how dirty it is a little too much. There’s been no foreplay, no working up to it, he’s diving straight in and Louis loves the air of utter  _ need  _ he knows they both feel right now.

Louis gasps when Nick’s first finger presses inside him, shudders as he rolls his hips down against Nick’s hand to take his long, perfect finger deeper inside of him. 

“Haven’t done this since the last time,” Louis says through a moan as Nick presses his second finger inside of Louis, twists his wrist to curl them upward but miss Louis’ prostate infuriatingly. “Never even fingered myself,” he tells Nick, groans as Nick scissors his fingers apart gently.

“No?” Nick asks and Louis loves the smirk on his face. “How come?”

“Wanted it to be you,” Louis tells him as he arches his hips up and grinds down again. “Always want it to be you, want you to fuck me,” he says, near babbling with how much he wants it. 

“Mm, and what are you going to do for me?” Nick asks and Louis thinks _gonna_ _love you_ , and reels it back because that’s a thought for another time.

“Anything you want,” he says instead, lets his eyes fall closed as Nick eases his fingers slowly out of Louis’ arse and reaches for the condom.

“Be a good boy for me, then,” Nick says as he tears open the packet. “Be good and spread your legs, love,” he tells him and Louis whimpers. Nick knows what he wants, what he needs, and Louis is happy to comply as he presses his feet flat to the mattress and spreads his knees wide for Nick to fit between properly. 

He’s never been more vulnerable, more on display than all the times he’s been with Nick but this feels more intense to Louis than crying on his knees the last time they’d seen each other. He pulls his lip between his teeth and lets his eyes meet Nick’s as he feels the blunt head of Nick’s cock press against his rim. 

Louis drops his jaw in a low moan as Nick presses inside, gasps a little at the stretch of him but it’s everything he’d wanted. Nick feels big and all-consuming filling him up and Louis’ overwhelmed with how intense it feels to have Nick shifting above him until he bottoms out, hips pressed to the backs of Louis’ thighs as he rocks his cock inside of Louis. They’ve never been so close, so face to face like this, and Louis is afraid of just how intensely he feels in this moment.

“Fuck me,” Louis says as he slides his hands over Nick’s sides and up his back, pulls Nick in against him and presses his lips against Nick’s jaw just beneath his ear. “Make me come,” Louis tells him, shifts to slip one leg up around Nick’s hips and pull him in that much deeper.

“God, yes,” Nick says as he rolls his hips back, allows Louis feel the slow drag of his cock before he grinds back inside in one smooth motion. “Don’t touch yourself, love. Know you can come for me without it,” he says and Louis moans, nods his head. He can, he’s done it before, and he wants to give Nick everything he asks for.

All he can do is cling to Nick, keep him close, let his lips trail across Nick’s sharp collarbones and up his neck to bite at his jaw. Louis moans, pants softly against Nick’s ear as Nick grinds his cock deep inside him. Nick feels perfect, grinds perfectly against Louis’ prostate and it’s all Louis can do not to cry out loudly at just how incredible it feels in the moment.

“Harder,” Louis purrs as he nibbles gently at the soft spot at the corner of Nick’s jaw. “Fuck me harder, and I’ll come,” he says, already feels it building hot and tight in his belly. Nothing will ever feel as good as this does, to him, and Louis can’t stand how much he’s denied himself exactly what he wants.

“Good boy,” Nick tells him, knows exactly the kind of thing Louis likes to hear in bed. “You’re so good, aren’t you? Going to come on my cock, yeah?” Nick says as he shifts the angle of his hips a little and grinds into Louis harder, deeper, like he’d asked. 

Louis can hardly hold back much longer, knows it’s going to be over embarrassingly fast but they’ve got an entire week in Los Angeles together. There will be plenty of time for marathon sex, holed up in hotel rooms and locked away from responsibility. He needs this, needs to come fast and hard and perfect in a way only Nick can make him do.

“Oh shit,” Louis groans, quiet for a moment as he sucks in a breath, feels his orgasm prickling at his senses. It’s another moment before he can’t hold back and cries out, arches his spine up off the bed as his orgasm hits and he comes, shooting up over his belly and chest, gasping as he feels a bit of his come catch his chin. Nick wastes no time in ducking his head down to catch Louis’ come on his tongue, licking it up off of Louis’ chin before his hips stutter and he gasps, and Louis knows Nick’s come too, inside him.

He’s never felt the weight of Nick’s spent body pinned against him before, never felt what it was like to be caged in, pressed chest to chest and sticky with sweat and come, but he’s grateful he gets to feel it now. Louis runs his hands gingerly up and down Nick’s smooth back, lets his ankle fall from Nick’s hip back down onto the bed as he pants beneath the older man.

“You’re incredible,” Nick murmurs, face nuzzled in against Louis’ neck as he catches his breath. “Can’t believe you,” he says, and Louis smiles as he feels the softest of kisses pressed to the side of his neck.

Nick pushes himself up to gently ease out of Louis and the loss of Nick inside him is uncomfortable but he adjusts, watches Nick get up to dispose of the condom. Nick comes back with a warm flannel to clean Louis up with and Louis lets him before he curls a hand around Nick’s wrist and pulls him back into the bed with him, presses a kiss to Nick’s lips.

As Louis drifts off to sleep with Nick’s arm curled around his waist he can’t help but wonder where they’re going to wind up, but something in his heart tells him they’ll get there just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much! I'm on [tumblr](http://otfourever.tumblr.com).  
> Tumblr post for this fic [is here](http://otfourever.tumblr.com/post/139128380642). Feel free to reblog if you liked this!


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